I don't know why but whenever I do things ok in the class, my instructor never shows up, but whenever I'm doing something crappy he has to show up and then gives me an earful after that....like he did today. Well, anyway, half the time it seems I'm doing something crappy anyway. I don't know why I always think I got something nice and good planned out for the kids to do and then it turns out to be a complete and utter mess. *Sigh* I'm getting quite sick of this. Maybe I'm not really cut out to take over his class after all. It's already been half a year and my class is still a complete and utter mess. And I know better than anyone that I'm having trouble leading an entire class well. As an assistant, I do a fantastic job, taking my own little bunch of students to teach them the taegeuk (patterns) and their syllabus, coz' I can handle a small group. But put me in charge of a big group of a whole bunch of students at all the different belt levels and I think my brain just overloads with trying to figure out what the heck to do with them. I think my instructor made a mistake as well, putting me in charge of this school right after I came back from Australia, when I could hardly remember a single thing about the taekwondo syllabus. I wish he'd taken me under his wing to refresh my memory for a while and made sure I really knew what I was doing before sending me to take charge of this school. But that's in the past and it can't be changed. *sigh* And if worrying about the students isn't enough brain overload, I have to worry about my assistants too. At the moment I have only two permanent assistants, who are not very strict or loud, and I suspect their teaching isn't too great coz' they are fresh black belts. The ones who were kind-of-good left because they had some stupid problems with me for God knows what reason. In short, my team is crap. And the other black belts who can actually teach well only come and help out every now and then. I have no really good permanent team that works well together. And my instructor always compares my school to another school which is run so much better by another assistant who's going to take over that class. That guy's team of assistants all teach so well and work great together... of course it would be a great class. I'm not jealous or anything... it's just sooooo frustrating!!!! How the heck can you compare his school to mine??? And if THAT's not frustrating enough, even my instructor has been driving me up the wall a bit by telling me he's going to do a lot of things and then never does them, leaving me in the lurch. Like a few months ago, he said he would come back to teach my school now so I could learn how he teaches as well as to improve the students.... and then he only came like a couple of times...leaving me in the class wondering what the heck to do with the kids because I didn't plan what to do with them since I expected him to show up. How not to teach like rojak like that? And then at the beginning of this year, he ran through with me the whole taekwondo syllabus, telling me what to teach the kids, and I had it all written down. Then a few weeks ago he 'taruhs' me for teaching something to the yellow belts that's not in their syllabus, even though he's the one who told me to teach that. And when I tell him he DID tell me to teach him, he's all like "Since when?". Arrrrgghhhh!!!! I am putting up with it coz' I understand he has like a gazillion other classes to run and too many things to think about and I have the utmost respect for him as my instructor... but it's just getting soooo very annoying. At least I don't have any parents coming and complaining to my face anymore. They do all their complaining to my instructor. :P
But anyway, I don't want to blame anyone else, coz' I know the main problem is myself and my crappy teaching. I wanted to stick to teaching this class because I didn't want to be so easily discouraged by the criticism and the problems that I would give up so quickly....but if after so long, I still don't see my students improving and I'm still teaching like crap, maybe I really have to face the fact that I'm not really cut out for this job just yet. But then that leaves my instructor with the problem of finding someone else to take over this class.... and I know he chose me coz' he thinks I'm the most capable and the most available. Other more capable people are busy with their jobs or just aren't interested. And the people who want to take over are more inexperienced black belts who aren't quite as capable, and are probably more in it for the money. So my sense of responsibility (one of the reasons why he chose me, I'm sure) dictates that I stay. But I wonder how long I will last teaching this class. I can't quite see myself still teaching this class a few years from now. The headache it's giving me now is a big enough turnoff. What to doooooo????? Waaaahhhh!!!! Streeeesssssssss!!!!!
Now would be a nice time for a big black hole in the ground to open up and swallow me....
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