Monday, February 20, 2012

The friend that was 'unfriended'

Fascinating how 'Unfriended' is actually a real word now, thanks to Facebook. I know it drives you grammer Nazis crazy, but you're just going to have to deal with it.

It's not often that anything really interesting ever happens in my life, which is why unfortunatelly I don't have much to blog about (I do intend to get a phone with mobile internet soon, so hopefully my rather dying blogs will be revived soon since I will be able to update them anytime and anywhere). But recently I have had to undergo quite a bit of drama in my life which was completely unnecessary, all of which was the result of a male friend of mine whom I knew since secondary high school through to university. And while usually I wouldn't blog about personal issues I have with people, this episode was so hilarious, I just couldn't resist, and since I have 'unfriended' this person, it doesn't really matter to me anymore what he thinks about me or this post.

Said friend of mine is gay, currently having a gay partner, very effeminate and is 10 times more gossipy than the gossipiest female I have ever known. I have never had any issues with his sexuality and I am able to tolerate effeminate behaviour from men even though I do find it somewhat annoying, not just from him but from any effeminate member of the male species (I'm sorry, it's just the way I am), and for some reason I managed to tolerate his love to gossip, which I also found somewhat annoying. I did not keep in touch with him often since high school, but in the past couple of years, he was inviting me out to meet up with our mutual friends every now and then. It's during these events and also through our online conversations on Facebook that we occasionally 'misunderstood each other'. Actually, it was more like he seemed to enjoy misinterpreting everything I said and turning things around to mean something else. For example, during one of our meet-ups, he asked me and another friend a question about what we thought are the benefits of dating older men. And I said, for one, older guys are more mature, and number two, older guys usually are more financially secure, which are both perfectly reasonable answers to that question. Then for God knows what reason, my friend gets all uptight on how I could be so superficial to say that money is one of the primary things I look for in a relationship....which of course, isn't what I meant at all. He asked a question about benefits of dating older men, and I just said financial security is what of them, which is far from saying that I would date a guy primarily for money. But anyhow, that whole whacked up idea of his ended up on his FB page and I wasted a good portion of my life explaining myself to him on that FB thread. That is just ONE example of the many ways he love to misinterpret things I say. And yet, I was still able to be friends with him because I give people the benefit of the doubt and assumed that he just has a really.... unusual way of seeing things. Either that or he's just socially inept. So bygones.

However, it was accumulation of events like these that led to a recent dramatic episode that was SO frustrating and yet eventually hilariously amusing to me, and although I am so tempted to go the completely juvenile way of blogging about every single annoying/hilarious detail of the events that transpired and poking fun at my so-called friend along the way (I even considered posting details of our smses, but that would require me to fix up his terrible spelling and grammatical errors in his smses coz' it seems he does not know how to use auto-type/spell check), I decided that that's not the proper thing for an adult to do. Instead, I will go the somewhat juvenile way of just summarizing what happened and try my very best to keep the snide comments about this person to a minimum. It will be difficult, trust me.

My friend, whom I shall term PsychoKid (since that's part of his email address, and I think it's most appropriate now) or PK for short, recently arranged another meet up with one of our old lecturers for our uni days with some other friends, one of which is a girl friend of ours, Eileen. I couldn't make it for the event, but she went with a couple of other friends. After the thing ended, on the same night, I received an sms from PK, saying some along the lines of how he has 'social issues' with me and hopes we can revert to the way we were before, but he claimed that our friend Eileen also raised some issues about me, saying that I had become difficult to talk to, and she 'speculated' that I'm arrogant because of my salary (which really, isn't something to brag about) and desperate for a man because of something I posted on my blog or FB (which I really had no idea what post he was talking about), and in several other smses continued to tell me other negative things that Eileen had purportedly said about me, saying that this goes to show that he is not the only person who has issues with me and I should get a raincheck on my own behaviour.

Naturally, I was highly annoyed and had difficulty believing what he told me about what our friend said about me, because I know this girl, and she is one of the nicest, sweetest and friendliest people I know and we get along just fine. And I told him point blank that I highly doubted that he understood correctly what Eileen said about me, and I also told him to stop telling me stuff she 'supposedly' said. Coz' it was getting really annoying, and I would talk to her myself to hear it from her. That same night, while chatting online with another girl friend, I found out that she also knew PK before in school (small world!), and she told me that he had tried to create strife between her and another friend before. Which made me realize that he was probably doing the exact same thing...but just to be sure, I wanted to check with Eileen.

The next day, I try to call my friend. She does not pick up the phone at first, which confuses me, but soon I get an sms from her apologizing for what PK said to me and saying that she had reached her limit with him. After more smses, I realized that she was scared to answer my call because PK had smsed her to WARN her that I would be angry with her because of what he told me. And this was why she was angry with him. After reassuring her that I was not mad with her in any way because I didn't believe PK at all, she called me and we had a WONDERFUL sessions of lambasting our 'friend'. When I told her all the negative things he claimed that she had said about me, she was in disbelief, and confirmed that although she had made some related comments, he had taken everything out of context to make it sound negative.

As a result, both of us decided we had had enough of PK, and we have both cut off contact with him by 'unfriending' him (there's that awful grammatically incorrect word again!) from Facebook, removing him from our chat messengers, and she even deleted his handphone number... but I kept it just coz' I want to know when it's him trying to contact me. But while she decided to just be quiet about it and not let him know, I just send him one last message (well, almost last) saying that I had no doubt that he was trying to create problems between me and Eileen, and as such I no longer consider him a friend, so that would be the last time I would contact him. I also said that the way he was now, he would lose all his friends soon unless he worked through his insecurities or whatever the reason it is that he likes creating unnecessary problems. I think it was very amicable message, considering the circumstances.

I was hoping that once he realized both I and Eileen had decided to cut off our friendship with him, that he would realize the error of his ways and at least apologize to us. I mean, he IS a long-time friend or mine, and I would have been glad to forgive and forget if he had realized that using the name of another friend to justify his warped negative ideas about me was wrong. It also would have been a nice way to end this blog post.

Well, that didn't happen.

Next day, (this is after learning that we had both 'unfriended' him. He was no doubt pulling his hair out coz' I know he hates it when he's 'unfriended' on FB, which I find totally amusing) he smses me saying that it doesn't matter if Eileen and I are not his friends because he has MANY more friends than me, and some other stuff about how all these problems would not have happened if he never invited me for his (silly) social events (he takes pride in organizing these things, I guess coz' it he likes feeling like a socialite).

And at this point, I apologize that I am about to go really the way of the juvenile, coz' my reply to him to him was so snide that I feel like a character out of the movie 'Mean Girls'. But seriously, I couldn't help myself, it was too much fun. This was my reply and hopefully my last sms to him:

"Sorry to contradict my last sms where I said that's the last time you'll hear from me but just needed to say go see how many Facebook friends I have compared to you before you spout more baseless nonsense like every other story you love to invent in your brain. And before you get some idea that I simply add any Abu, Ahmad or Ah Cheng on FB, all 523 of my friends (3.3x more than your 158 friends) are only people I know personally, I don't add or approve friend request from anyone I have never met. So it would be funny to hear what makes you think you have more friends than me, except that I don't really care to hear more nonsense from you, so please do save your sms money". 

Now I know that number of FB friends really is a terrible way of justifying how many friends I have than anyone, but you know, I just really wanted to annoy him. And boy, it's really rare that I am that mean to anyone, but when it's to someone who deserves it, it sure is fun.

Still, I do hope that the last time I ever have to 'unfriend' someone for silly reasons like this. :S