Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Hunky dory again

For those who read my last post (which is now gone) and gone the idea that things have not been well with me and my bf, well, we managed to patch things up again. Yes, I know, it's such a headache going through rough patches with him, but somehow or another we manage to make up with each other. I also don't understand it. Relationships can be so confusing sometimes. Oh well, things are ok again, which is good. Of course, we would probably need to discuss things more and really settle things so no funny issues crop up again in the future... but having discussions is something I'm really not too good at doing coz' I get all superbly emotional and dunno how to say what I mean most of the time. Bleh. But anyway, that's for him and me to deal with... somehow. Hopefully God will help us figure out how...

Anyway, it was my birthday last Thursday, and even though things were not all well then, it was still a pretty good day for me coz' my friends and colleagues had a few nice surprises for me. My church buddies invited me out for dinner that night and surprised me with a little birthday cake, which was pretty cool. Still haven't finished eating it yet. And my colleagues also pooled together their resources to help buy for me my dream gerbil home as well as a cool dragster car for them to run around in! I knew they were going to get me some gerbil stuff, coz' they even took me to the pet shop to choose whatever it was I wanted, so I just asked them for one of the cheapo wire cage that costs only RM40. But I got a really nice surprise when it turns out they got me a super nice and colourful Habitrail house, with all the funnels and other stuff for my gerbs to run around in, which I think is worth like RM100 or so. And not only that, but also the Dragster car which is RM40-something. Omigoodness! I can't believe they actually bought all that for me and the little rodents. I don't even know what I did to deserve all that coz' I'm not like superbly close to them or anything. But I know my my two seniors shared out for the just the house alone, while the others shared out for just the car, so I just have to say that my senior colleagues are da BEST! Woo hoo! Yeah, I love my new gerbil home. Just imagine, my gerbil home has evolved from this humble little box:

To this superbly pink cage:

To this superbly colourful Habitrail home!:

Here they are during their first few minutes exploring their new home (they were pretty excited):
And they learned how to get through the funnels pretty quickly too. :)
Not to mention their little loft:
Sassy likes the house too, I think...:

After getting used to their new home, the gerbs settled in for a nice nap:

And they can sleep just about anywhere... :P

Well, I'll definitely put some pics up at my dotphoto website when I have the time. I didn't take any pics of the dragster car yet coz' I left it at the office, but it's pretty fun too. Just open up the wheel, pop in a gerbil, close it back up, attach the wheel to the car, and let it run on gerbil power! It's just so cute...

Oh yeah, as if all this wasn't enough, my gerbil mummy has up and gotten herself pregnant again! So my extended gerbil family is about to become even more extended. :P Me thinks I should start separating the males and the females now...

Monday, March 19, 2007

My life as a loner

My parents have been away this whole week since last Tuesday, coz' they went to Macau on holiday. So I've been home alone with my animal entourage of gerbils and a dog to keep me company. They'll be back later today, but while they were gone, apart from enjoying the tube without worrying about my mum hogging it to watch Wah Lai Toi and enjoying my own cooking instead of the strange dishes my dad usually makes since he took over the kitchen from my mum (ok, sometimes I cooks quite well...key word is 'sometimes'), I've also been thinking about... myself. Well, I'm not that vain. To be more precise, thinking about my life, the way I am now, and all that.

The thing I've really been thinking about is how at ease I am with being alone. Which is not the same as being lonely, mind you. I mean just... being on my own. I am perfectly comfortable with it, and I have been that way for a very long time. I usually don't feel the need to hang out with friends or people, even when I am living alone like I have been this past week. The only time I had friends over was on Thursday when I went out for dinner with my colleagues and I invited them over to my house. But on every other day, I was quite happy being home alone, doing the chores, watching tv and surfing the net. And since my college and uni days, I had lots of friends, but no one I was particularly close to that I HAD to be with all the time. I had no 'gang' or 'clique' of friends that I would always make an effort to hang out with. Mostly, whenever I went out for lunch or walked anywhere, if I happened to see someone along the way that I knew, I'd just join them and make the usual small talk with them. And if I didn't see anybody I knew, then I was just fine doing stuff on my own.

But I know a lot of people who just can't stand being alone. People who just have to hang out with friends all the time. People who can't even have a meal on their own, but absolutely must have some company. Good grief, back in school, there were even the girls who couldn't go to the toilet on their own! Scared of 'hantu' or what, I dunno lah, but whenever one of my friends bugged me to go with them to the toilet, I'd always give them the 'one kind' funny look that said "Get off my case and go find another toilet buddy, you freako". Ok, ok, not that bad lah. Sometimes I would reluctantly join them on their toilet trips. But anyway, the bottom line is... I'm not anything like these people at all, and sometimes I wonder if that makes me the freako.

I mean, some people, or dare I say MOST people, when they're alone too much, they feel lonely and maybe even get depressed. And when I was in my teens, I did get somewhat depressed. But nowadays, I can't remember the last time I've gotten depressed or felt lonely. And though on one hand I think it's a good thing...on the other hand, it might not be. The good part is coz' I don't think it's good to be dependant on having people around me all the time in order to have some feeling of self-worth. As my dear church friend, Aunty Jolene pointed out to me once, she said that I'm a confident person, which is why I don't get into any cliques. Which I guess is true, I am pretty confident of myself and who I am. Which is why not only do I have no desire to be identified with any particular 'gang', but I also have no desire to follow trends, or do what everyone else is doing just coz' it's the 'in' thing. Why on earth would I want to be a clone of somebody else? Why on earth should I try to behave like other people, or dress like other people, or buy the coolest and newest stuff just to be 'cool'? Far as I'm concerned, everyone has their own individuality and they should embrace it and enjoy it... not become like everybody else just to fit in. I like myself just the way I am... the way I dress and all. Yeah of course I'm far from who I would like to be ideally, but I don't wanna go try and be like anybody else either. And anybody who decides they don't like me just coz' I'm not hip and happening enough for them, well, I couldn't give a crap coz' there are plenty of people out there who do appreciate me for who I am.

But on the flipside, being a loner means I rarely make the effort to get to know people. And I'm not proud to say it, but I don't really seem to to care much about what's going on in the lives of the people I know. And I don't think that's a good thing. It's not like I don't want to care... I do want to... but I just don't. It's like, someone will tell me they have a problem, and I will listen and try to give advice or whatever, but as soon as I go off , their problems don't bug me and sometimes I just forget to keep them in my thoughts coz' I'm too busy living my own life.

I wish I could be one of those amazing folks who always make the time to be with people, and share their hearts and just really care about others. I mean, as a Christian, I'm supposed to be a light to the world and shine for the Lord so non-believers around me will see something different in me and hopefully be drawn to God. But I can't be a light to anybody if I just don't care about what is happening with other people. And even though I want to care, I just don't do it. I don't make the effort to do it, coz' I really can't be bothered. I've prayed about it, that I would become that 'better person', that caring person... but nada. Ok, maybe I didn't pray enough or something, coz' apparently sometimes we need to bug God a lot of times before He actually answers our prayers... and when He does answer it, it may not be the answer we want... or maybe deep down inside, even though I know what I should try to be that person, I actually don't wanna be coz' it's just too much effort, and perhaps, too much heartache. Coz' getting to know people better means having to share stuff with them about you... and sometimes you end up sharing the personal stuff... and sometimes this personal info gets misused, and there you have it. One big heartache.

Well, maybe one day I will somehow learn to care... and learn not to be afraid of getting hurt. That's one part of myself I do want to change. But for the most part, I love myself and my individuality and the fact that I don't need anybody else to make me feel better about myself. That part, I never want to change.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Pics of my pups!

Yay! I finally put up the pics of my gerbil pups on my dotphoto website. For those who didn't bother to bookmark it the last time (shame on you), it's at htp://naeemng.dotphoto.com. They've grown so fast and are such cute active little furballs now...as compared to the pathetic looking scrawny and hairless things they once were.

Anyway, I know I kind of disappeared off the face of the bloggerworld for a while. I think it started around the time my gerbil babies were born, and I was spending most of my time after work fiddling around with them, so I didn't have much time to blog. Now that my tribe of rodents has expanded, I was considering getting a new cage so I can separate the males from the females. Males in one cage, females in another. Right now, I have a plasic container, which is ok except that I can't fit a wheel in there for them to run in, and I really want that. I also have wire cage, which I found out after some research that it's not good for gerbil feet coz' they can't get their feet hurt on the wire bottoms, and also coz' I can't put bedding in it. So I wanted to get a nice new cage, with a flat bottom, lots of nice funnels for them to run around in, a big wheel, and a high wall so that the bedding doesn't fly everywhere whenever they feel the urge to dig like mad (which happens pretty often, which is ok in the plastic container, but not in a wire cage coz' of the big mess!). But today I had the eureka idea of saving some cash by removing the wire bottom and the tray (used to catch droppings) from the bottom of my cage, and taping up the tray slit so no bedding comes out when I put it in. I also taped up the wall a bit, also to prevent flying bedding. And now I have a modified cage with a flat bottom, in which my gerbil family seems quite happy in. Hopefully they don't manage to chew right chew the cellophane tape or something. But anyhow, mission is accomplished: Money has been saved. Yay! Of course, should some kind soul still decide to donate me a nice new home for my gerbs, I wouldn't kick a fuss. My birthday is coming up by the way. ;) The Crittertrail series are pretty cool...*hint hint* Haha, I'm so funny. Other people have dream homes, and I have a dream gerbil home. Hmm...

Ok, I'm pretty sure no one really cares much about my rodents except me, so I shall cease blabbering about them....now.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Carol to earth, Carol to earth....

Yeah, I know I haven't blogged for a while, but don't worry...Carol hasn't fallen off the face of the planet. She's just been pretty busy and not getting enough sleep, so these past few days I've been a walking zombie Carol. I've been wanting to put up some new pics of my gerbil babies, which have now grown up quite a bit. They've got their fur and opened their eyes and all, and are now pretty much mini versions of the adults. Which means they also like to chew stuff to bits (right now, more like nibble stuff to bits), try and to scratch through the box (very annoying at night when I'm trying o sleep) and have mastered the ability of slipping right through my fingers when I try to pick them up. Slippery little buggers, they are. Well, I keep wanting to put up pics of them, but the thing is that I take so many pics of them, I never get to finish editing and resizing them so I can post them. Especially now that they've killed off Bloggerbot, so picture posting is a bit more inconvenient now. But anyway, I shall save it for the next post. This post is pretty much just to letcha all know I'm still alive. :P Cheers!