Wednesday, December 05, 2012


Year 2012 is coming to an end, and it's that time when people reflect and look forward to new things and come up with new resolutions, etc etc. Well, in terms of goal achievements for this year, I've achieved what most women set out to do every year and usually fail doing, which is to lose weight. I've lost about 8 kg this year, most it attributed to my moving house and taking my dog out regularly which forces me to be a lot more active, and also coz' I eat less. Makes me think the past couple of years going to the gym were kind of a waste, all you need to do in run your own house and keep an active dog.

Resolutions have always been a difficult thing for me. Not so much I usually fail to achieve them, but because I don't consider myself a particularly ambitious person, so I don't know what goals to set for myself because I am too easily contented. I'm not driven to get promoted or get a huge car or house or break some world records or become famous, like some people are. At most I would like to travel and see the world or record some hit songs, but my lack of drive to earn the money or search for opportunities to enable me to do those things, plus being busy with with work kind of puts those desires in the backburner.

Some people might say being content is good, which I would partially agree. As I've mentioned before, having a burning desire to attain something which turns out to be unattainable is quite demoralizing, so it's better to not want at all. It's doesn't feel sucky if you can get something you never really wanted in the first place.

Problem is, when you have no ambition and drive, you sometimes feel like you don't feel like there's a purpose to anything you do. Or there's no purpose to life in general. Especially coupled with the inability to care about anything except myself. Another characteristic I sometimes wish I had, caring about people in general. When I was younger I used to be so sad at the world and wanted to make a difference, make a change, help make the world a better place, man in the mirror, that kinda stuff. Then life happened and now, I still think the world is sad, but I don't really give a shit. I know I should give a shit, and sometimes I try to give a shit because I know it's the right thing to do, but it's not an inate caring characteristic of me that motivates me to do it. I could easily blame it the fact that I was raised to not give a shit, but I'll save the explanation on my life lessons learned from parents (not just my own) for another post. The thing I still really care about is animals, coz' I see them as being mostly the innocent defenseless victims of people's stupidity/greed/selfishness, whereas the problems of people are mostly brought about by themselves. I was volunteering at PAWS for a while but stopped since I moved out coz' I've been just too busy. And lazy. In other words, I stopped giving a shit.

So there were any resolutions I would make, it would be for me to be more ambitious and caring. I have no idea how to achieve those since it involves changing my character, but if I could get there, and get round to working out some goals in life that I would actually be driven to achieve, it would certainly beat going the way of King David writing the book of Ecclesiastes.

Of course, all that doesn't matter if the Mayans are right and the world goes kablooie on the 21st, which is unlikely to happen but at least if it did, then lack of resolutions, among other things, is no longer a problem. Lol.