Sunday, June 10, 2012

Crush and butterflies


There are several main meanings to this word:
1. A usually temporary infatuation. b. One who is the object of such an infatuation.

2. To overwhelm or oppress severely: spirits that had been crushed by rejection and failure.

3. To press between opposing bodies so as to break or injure or to break, pound, or grind (stone or ore, for example) into small fragments or powder.

I have a suspicion that the different meanings of these words are actually linked to the same word for a reason. I have, after all, had my fair shares of crushes on guys, only to be crushed upon realizing that the feeling is not reciprocated, and in some people, this makes them feel like crushing something, which may lead to various forms of violence. Thankfully, I'm not one of the violent ones, but just saying, you know, it can happen. :-P At almost 30 years old, at the age where most of my friends are in serious relationships, married or having kids, having schoolgirl infatuations is funny, if not annoying. Although, there is still admittedly still some fun in getting those little butterflies in my stomach when I get 'hints' of interest from a guy I fancy.

Far as I remember, all the guys I've ever fancied have been guys I were interested in almost from the time I meet them. It's only later on when that crush progresses into nothing more that they become just than friends to me, and there are a number of guys I still am in contact with now whom I can't imagine falling for again, although years ago I was totally bonkers about them.

Now I'm in an interesting situation where there's a guy I've known for a quite some time now whom I was never interested in... But now I realized I actually really like this guy. It's interesting coz' it's weird to me to have someone as a friend for a long time, and then start to see him in that kind of 'different' light. And it's cool coz' rather than admiring a guy from tbe beginning and eventually 'lose steam' once I know him longer (which usually means I learned stuff about that guy which made him less interesting to me), here's a guy I didn't really think much of from the beginning, but only after knowing him better do I realize he is a guy I can actually look up to. And for me, I need to really respect a guy for me to interested in him. Overly nice guys who are pushovers and don't know how to take the lead just don't cut it for me. I have a high chance into turning into the overbearing and naggy gf with such guys, which is not something I want at all.

I don't keep my hopes up in the event that this 'crush' end up with me having a stomachful of dead butterflies as has happened way too many times before. But in the meantime, I'll just enjoy the butterflies.