Friday, February 22, 2013

Tales of the weirdos

These days I call myself a weird guy magnet. Though I am glad to say I still have many reasonably normal male friends, my encounters with strange or socially inept characters of the opposite sex has been so many in the past couple of years that I could almost start a collection of short stories. Or just a blog post about it, which is what I'm doing now. Perhaps if I accumulate more stories in the future, I'll just add to this post, so I have an easy reference point in case I ever do have enough stories to write a collection book. I don't list some of my older experiences, however, coz' my memory is bad enough that after a while I start forgetting this weird experiences (which is I like my bad memory sometimes).

If you're thinking the weird guys I meet are all met online, which is true in some cases, half the time, the weirdos I meet are people that I meet for the first time in person at an event. Some from Christian events too. So my conclusion is that weird guy can be found just about anywhere, online or offline.

So here they are in order of "Why can't this guy converse normally?" weird (which is not that bad) to "I hope I never bump into this guy ever again" weird. Fortunately I have not come across the "Psychotic murderer-like traits" type, coz' if I did I would have gottena restraining order on him by now.

1) The smiley face guy
Obviously this is on chat conversations, where I can be very chatty with people online if they have something meaning to say in a conversation. However, if I repeatedly get something like below again and again and again, after a while I just give up on trying to have any meaningful conversation (taken from actual online chat conversations) coz' I'm not sure what to say to someone to comes up online and shoots me with nothing else but a smiley face.

Example 1:
1:46 PM Guy: hey.... :P
1:47 PM me: yes...

1:54 PM Guy: :) *silence*                        

 Example 2:

9:15 AM Guy: hello morning again!
9:20 AM me: morning
 Guy: :)
9:24 AM me: :)  *silence......*

43 minutes
10:08 AM Guy: ;)

Example 3:
This example is from a different guy from the one above, annoying because he spammed me with smiley faces. Unfortunately I don't have actual chat records for this one. But it pretty went something like this.

Guy: Hi! :)
How are you doing? :) :)
Yeah, I was working today. :)
Managed to get out early today! :D
But the traffic jam was crazy today! :)
Anyway, you free to meet up this weekend? :)
I like your photo :)

Me (in my head): *Stop with the smiley faces for the love of god, pleasepleasepleaseplease*

2) The conversation killer

Similar to the smiley face guy (and actually, in this case, they are the same guy), this guy injects the chat with comments or expressions, such as "ooooo" or "ooooiiiccccc" that serve nothing to add to the conversation, shows his lack of ability to spell properly, and follows up with silence, leaving me wondering if he expects me to do all the talking for the two of us.

Example 1 (conversation about why I sleep late regularly):

10:12 AM me: minimum hours of sleep required for an adult is 6 to 8 hours and varies on the individual
10:13 AM Guy: lol ok :)  *silence..... until I decide to comment*

6 minutes
10:19 AM me: some docs say at least4 is required
10:20 AM Guy: oh reallly i didnt know that

12 minutes
10:32 AM me: well, as long as you're not half dead during the day, it's your optimal hours of sleep
 Guy: oooiiccc :)  *silence again.....*

Example 2:

9:42 AM 
 Guy: any xmas plans lah ?

17 minutes
10:00 AM me: yes, going outstation with some friends
10:01 AM and then xmas dinner at my church
10:02 AM Guy: oooooo *awkward silence**After 23 minutes of waiting for something to happen....*

10:25 AM me: eeeeeee
10:26 AM Guy: wat happened???

10:32 AM me: u go ooooo I go eeeeee lor
10:35 AM Guy hahaaha ur funny carol... lol
10:38 AM me: I can also go aaaaaa
  or iiiiiiiiiii
  although that's just weird
 Yeah, maybe I was a bit mean on that last one, but really couldn't help myself.

3) The paraphrased sms spammer
I blogged about this on an earlier post, but the guy was weird enough that he deserves a spot on this list. Fortunately, he wasn't something interested in me (I can't imagine having my sms inbox spammed every few seconds with this guy trying to ask me out). This was a housing agent I got in contact with when I was looking for a place to rent.

'Nuff said

 4) The Bot

I can mostly assure you that this next guy is in fact not a bot but a real live person because I met him before. At a Christian event too. Although I cannot guarantee that he has not since been abducted by aliens and turned into a bot, based on my Facebook conversations with him, particularly this one (note the dates).

 'Nuff said too.

 5) The total un-recaller
This was a recent event where a guy messages me on Whatsapp with one of those cheeky Whatapp symbols, as if we had known each other for a long time and no introduction was necessary. However, I had no idea who this person was, and even after he told his name, and gave information about where we met before (which apparently was a year ago, which is not that long ago and I know my memory isn't that bad in forgetting people) I still had no clue who he was and no memory of ever meeting him. And he 'somehow' couldn't recall all the details either.

His profile photo showed him wearing sunglasses and was a filtered greenish colour, so I really couldn't tell what he looked like. So I asked him for a better photo. And he changed to a photo of him ALSO wearing sunglasses in a properly coloured but blur photo.

When I asked how he met, he said we met in Subang. I asked for what? He couldn't recall.

Then he said I was with another girl, but he couldn't recall who.

Then I asked what we talked about, and he said general stuff, can't recall the details.

Then he said he doesn't know how to recall back those memories.

After that I said nevermind, and blocked him.

6) The persistent little bug
It's normal to be interested in someone and not have your interest. I should know, I've been shot down by my fair share of guys, and telling when the object of yoiur interest is not returning the favour is not that difficult. If they ignore you all the time, that's usually a pretty good sign that they are not interested. For some reason, some guys just fail to understand this concept. Hence, I term them the persistent little bugs. My example for this one is particularly long, coz' he was annoying not only for his persistence, but also other reasons to be revealed.

I met this guy online in September last year. Chatted for a bit but didn't meet. At first he sounded normal and interesting. Then at some point, I totally tuned out and lost interest in chatting, which I shall admit is not his fault because I was moving out at the time and was more preoccupied with that. And after I was done moving out, I wasn't in the mood to hang out with anyone new.

The persistent little bug, true to his name, persisted in trying to chat with me on Whatsapp, although at that point my responses were very deadpan as I was not feeling particularly chatty at that point in time. But over the next few weeks he kept bugging to meet up with me.

After a while, I relented and said ok. Meet up once, see it goes, and hopefully he turns out to be someone I won't mind hanging out with on a regular basis.

It turns out this guy, in addition to being annoyingly persistent, is also annoyingly ignorant of physical cues or know when he's close enough to be considered encroaching into my personal space. On this FIRST meeting, he would walk so close me, we'd be brushing shoulders, and when I moved away, he'd move closer again. And at one point, he reached over to pluck a hair off my blouse.

I would consider such behaviour from a very close guy friend very weird. From a guy I have just met for the first time, I was almost ready to get out my pepper spray. Fortunately, he didn't try anything funnier than that. Plus the conversations was boring. So I decided I am never meeting this guy again. But of course I didn't tell that to him straight out, as I understand that all men have egos, some being more fragile than others. So I was hoping that by ignoring him completely, he will save himself the embarassment of me telling him what a boring weirdo he is, and just shimmy along his way.

Few weeks later, after a period of silence, he tries to make an excuse to meet me again.The brilliant excuse was that he thought my dog is cute (I had my dog as my profile pic on Whatsapp for a while) and he wanted to meet my dog. I ignored him.

Few weeks later, he pops me a message saying "Hey pretty". I ignored him.

A month later, he says, "Merry Chistmas". I still ignored him.

2 months later, he messages me again, this time I'm so annoyed that I decide to humour him for a while and respond. Of course, he asks to meet me again, to which this time I tell him flat out that I'm not interested. Which doesn't seem to faze him one bit.

Then just for the fun of it, I asked him why he is soooo persistent in trying to meet me, even though it should have been blatantly obvious that I'm not interested, considering I'd been ignoring him for months (my theory is that the part of his brains that registers this sort of thing wasn't really functioning).

His response was that he thinks I'm interesting.

Now I've only met this guy ONCE, and the chat conversations we had had up to that point were not particularly fascinating far as I was concerned, and 'interesting' is not really an adjective most people would use to describe me coz' I know I'm not particularly interesting. So I had no clue what on earth would make him say that when he knows much less about me than the average person in my social circle. So I asked him exactly that. What makes me so interesting when he knows practically nothing about me?

And he said I'm interesting because I'm mysterious.

Right. Ok. If someone told me I was interesting because I had fascinating insights into subjects which most people don't, or I was strongly opiniated about things, or I can do the hula hoop while standing on one leg while patting my head, then maybe I could accept it. But to tell me I'm interesting because I'm mysterious. The only reason I'm mysterious to him is because I got bored of talking to him and went from being somewhat chatty to completely mum. And most normal guys who know how to take a hint would know to call it quits and move on. Heck, even I know how to do that if a guy disappeared on me. The fact that this guy only seemed to want to get to know me because of my so called mystery made it obvious that he's just out to amuse himself... or wants a challenge. And probably once he does get to me and how truly normal and non-mysterious my life is, he'd get bored too.

So in my annoyance I promptly flamed him with rants about how guys like him should learn to appreciate girls who actually care to give them the light of day, instead of trying to go after girls who clearly not interested, just for the 'challenge'... only to drop them like a rock after that.

Then I blocked him on Whatsapp before I could read any more of his dribble.

I suppose in hindsight, his behaviour apart from the inability to respect personal space wasn't really that strange. Most people are attracted to people who aren't all that easy to get. Just that, well, it just seems like a game to me that guys like to play. When you're interested in them, they don't give you light of day. And when you don't give a hoot about them, they start coming after you. It's just so lame and stupid, I really can't be bothered anymore. And he just happened to be the unfortunate one to be the butt of my rants for annoying me so.

Sigh, I don't need to meet any more weird el creepos for a long time.

Monday, February 18, 2013

The Meetup

My mum called me up this morning asking me out for a one to one hangout time tonight. Just the two of us. She nevers asks me out for one to one hangout times.

I know this sounds bad but I have a sense of foreboding about tonight, and I can only hope I'm not right.