Slam your face into a book

An interesting flirt I received from some guy on the Zoosk application on Facebook.

“I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you...............”

With this I would like to add one more note to my post on how NOT to impress a girl....

Lesson #5: You will NOT impress a girl with lame pickup lines that will only make her snort in amusement

I don't think I need to elaborate much further. And apparently I'm not the only one who thinks Facebook has way too many applications and the gazallion invites I receive each week are a tad bit annoying. Do forgive some of the crude language in the vid though.

My sentiments exactly!

A lesson in low expectations... and other things

I FINALLY got my offer letter from Sime Darby yesterday morning. Yay! Went home after that, had a good look through documents and benefits and everything, got a nice surprise when I found their benefits are better than Accenture's and promptly emailed my resignation letter in to my HR representative. And even though I am 'supposed' to serve one month's notice, she said I don't have to since I'm not on a project. Whoopee! No more stupid posts written out of complete and utter boredom about automated toilet flushes and Weird Al videos! Now it's back to the normal stupid posts that I write that are not written out of...um... less boredom. Hmm...

To be honest, I do think God totally threw this new job into my lap, and also taught me a few things about my expectation from God and my faith...or rather, my lack of it. Some people already know the basic story of how I got the job, but here is the super-longwinded version. It's pretty long, but I think I need to tell the details in order to fully appreciate my story, so bear with me!

In March, I went for my church camp at Bintang Hotel, Seremban. The camp was for ALL my church branches, but none of my cell group people or my closer friends at church were going. Yet I decided to go anyway since I haven't been to a church camp in ages and I thought it would be a good chance to get to know people from other CBC branches, especially since I had no real 'clique' to hang out with there. I was also hoping to get some new spiritual insight from the speaking pastor and just be refreshed from the whole camp.

On the counts above, church camp was a bit of a disappointment, coz' as 'interesting' a speaker as the pastor was, his over-flamboyance in speaking made his messages overly draggy and caused me to tune-out, so unfortunately I didn't get anything from him. I also did not meet many new people from other churches at all as they did not arrange any icebreakers. On a positive note, I did get a lot from Reverand Ron Choong's message during his workshop... and also enjoyed another workshop on basic first aid. But I still couldn't help wondering if it was worth it to go for the camp, especially since I did not get to stay for the whole camp as the third camp day was on a Monday and I had to go back to work on that day. Plus on the first night, my buddies who were not at camp had a steamboat party/ sort-of sleepover... and I couldn't join them! I was a bit bummed about that and had to regularly remind myself that being at camp to grow spiritually is more important than a party.

Being the only person from my sort-of-gang in church to be at camp also meant most of the time I didn't bother to sit with anyone from my own church... we were all divided into groups with people from different church branches anyway (for reasons I fail to understand coz' all we did as a group was sit together during sermon but we didn't mingle AT ALL), so during word, I usually sat around people I didn't know.

During the second day, I plopped myself down next to another girl who was alone. She turned to me and introduced herself (her name was Swee Yin from the Kota Damansara CBC branch) and we started chatting. We got round to asking the usual boring question of where we work and all that blah. But this time is wasn't so boring for me, as I found out she's working in Sime Darby's plantation unit, doing an Environmental Management kind-of job that I was hoping to get. She told me the not-so-interesting basic work related to the plantations, and also told me that they had some conservation projects going on. That REALLY perked me up coz' conservation is also something I'd love to do. And I got really excited when she told me about their Orangutan Project, Hornbill Project and Marine Reef Project. And then she told me that they sometimes they do scuba diving to check up on the reefs, all on the company's expense. I think I was quite ready to die at that moment. Getting paid to scuba dive??? I know it's probably not that often, but still.... I was SOLD. I've always wanted to try scuba diving, but never did before coz' it was just too expensive (also, I have a slight fear of getting the Bends and the possibility of some strange marine creature with big teeth popping out from some dark crevice on the ocean floor and taking me down... but I'll get over it ^_^). I jumped to get down her contact details and her boss's details so I could email them my resume pronto... which I did on the Monday night after returning from camp.

The ONLY thing that worried me was when she told me the starting salary, which was about RM1000 less than what I was getting at Accenture. I would still have considered it, but I knew if I took a job with a lower salary, my folks would hang me upside down. So when I sent in my resume, because I did not want to scare the manager with a high amount, I put my expected salary as a few hundred higher than the number Swee Yin told me... which was still significantly lower than my current salary. My expectations were so low, even when I prayed, all I prayed was that the salary they would offer would not be THAT low.

Fast forward a week and a half, and on March the 18th, I got a call from Sime Darby asking me to come for interview the next day. However that particular week was especially busy for me, and if I even took half day off, I would be leaving my teammate with extra work. I decided to tell them I couldn't make it due to work, and was a bit worried when the lady said I was the ONLY one who could not make it for the interview. I thought, crap, if they find all the people they need this round of interview, they may not ask me back for another one. But I stuck to my decision and missed the first interview, albeit a bit worried that I had missed my chance. Prayed like crazy for another call, and was still worried, even though I shouldn't have. After a week I called them back to remind them that I would be available for interview from the following week onwards. They called me back for an interview on April 8th, a Tuesday. By that time, I had completed my project at TM and was about to start a new project at Media Prima.

On the Sunday before the interview, I was at lunch with my church mates and had a talk with Theng Terk (my cell leader) and Chi Hui (cell member) about my interview. When I told them about that the salary I might be offered was lower than what I'm getting now, they launched into a long motivational speech about how I shouldn't be expecting so little. God is so great and He can provide us more than we can even dream... so I should be praying for MORE than what is expected. And I was sitting there kind-of dumbfounded until it went off in my head...Holy crap! They are SO right! What on earth is wrong with me?? Why are my expectations of a great God so pathetic? I started to pray for bigger things to come out of my interview. When I went for the interview and was asked to fill in my details, I put my expected salary as slightly higher than what I'm getting now, hoping they wouldn't notice the significant increase from my resume. I still didn't want to ask for much more... I suppose I was still a bit afraid to ask for too much lest their eyes pop out of their sockets.

The interview went well, they said they wanted to offer me the job and would have the offer out within the next couple of days. The best part was when the HR lady said they would match my current salary, at least! Of course, I was ecstatic, and decided since I'm probably leaving Accenture, I'd better give my new project manager the heads up so he can find a replacement for me. He was VERY quick, and got in a replacement the day after I contacted him. After 3 days on my new project, helping out with some simple stuff, he told me that I could go back to the KLCC head office since I probably was leaving and he did not want me to start something I wouldn't get to finish. The offer was still not ready yet, but I thought, it's ok, I should get my offer letter by Tuesday or so the following week, which would be around April 15th. Then I can straight away send in my resignation and get a break for a couple of weeks.

The offer letter did not come the whole of that week. And that was my period of extreme boredom since I wasn't doing ANY work. Just muddling around on my laptop, waiting for my offer letter to come. Every couple of days I would call the HR lady who interviewed me to ask about the offer letter and remind her that I was still alive. She kept saying it should be ready within the next couple of days. I was getting rather annoyed. And got even more annoyed when on Friday I called the lady, she said she would call me back by the end of the day to confirm whether I could come on Tuesday or Wednesday to get the letter. By the end of the day, there was no call. Argh! At this point, I had already ranted to God quite a bit about wasting my life sitting at office doing nothing and being totally unproductive. I kept praying the offer would come quick, but it wasn't happening. My excitement for the job was fading fast.

Finally, the following week (which would be THIS week) on Monday, she called me back to say I could collect the offer letter on Wednesday (though after some discussion, I ended up collecting it on Thursday. Reasons why are not important). After getting the letter and cd with a soft copy of the benefits package (They use cd's instead of printing it out! How environmentally friendly!), I went home, poured over the document on my computer, comparing it to my current company's benefits, and the rest is as I wrote at the beginning of this post.

Looking back at all this, I'm quite amazed at how everything just fell into place. Like how out of all the hundreds of people at church camp, I met this one girl who told me about this job opportunity that's right up my alley. Who knows, maybe it was God's 'reward' for choosing to go for camp and trying to have the positive outlook even when I was disappointed with it. And then even though it didn't seem good at the time, I think there was a reason why I had to postpone my interview and was kept waiting for the offer letter. IF I had gone for the first interview and IF they had been extremely fast in preparing the offer letter, I probably would have resigned on the 15th and bummed around for half a month. And I would only get half month's pay. But because of the delays, even though I had to go back to office and be bored out of my mind, I still get full month's pay. Accenture can afford it, so I don't feel so bad being a leech now. *grin*

I also learned quite a few things from this too, especially that I should not have such low expectations of what God can provide. I thought I would get a lower salary but ended up with a slightly higher salary PLUS better benefits. And I was thinking, this is too good to be true... what on earth did I do to deserve this?? And I remembered that if God only gave us what we 'deserved', we'd all be destined for a certain very unpleasant hellhole. If He could go through the trouble of getting Jesus to die for us and save us from that very unpleasant place, even though we all really deserve to be there... wouldn't He be just as willing to provide me more than I deserve in other areas of my life? I just learned from a sermon recently that we need to be blessed before we can bless others. And I think some Christians are afraid to ask God to bless themselves coz' it seems selfish to do so... but really, it's perfectly fine to ask Him for what you want. He can give above and beyond what you imagine.

Another thing I learned is that worrying and complaining is a freakin' waste of energy. Well, I kind of knew that already, but it's one of those things that I 'know' but is hard to practice. I didn't need to worry about getting the second interview or getting the offer letter... but even though I was pretty sure that the job was so mine, I still worried a little. Didn't have to! And when I was going to my period of extreme boredom and kept praying / begging / ranting to God to let me get the letter soon, it took me a few ranting sessions before I decided to give it a break and trust that Him. And He delivered! I suppose at times like this, it's normal to worry and complain a bit, and I know I will do it again in the future...but hopefully it will get to my head faster that I should just shut my yap and trust that He will handle it right.

So now that I've resigned and have couple more days of leave and it's Labour Day on Thursday, I only have to go through one more day of extreme boredom on Monday before I'm off for the week and can enjoy a few days of.... doing nothing and bumming around at home. Oh well, at least I don't have to pretend like I'm busy with work anymore. :P

A Town Called Hypocrisy

Another way to entertain myself while I have been wasting my life at office recently was to check out new music through YouTube. I had heard a couple of songs from the band Lost Prophets a long time ago, and decided to give them a go. And was pleasantly surprised to find that all their songs (at least the ones I've heard so far) totally ROCK. The guitar riff for one song in particular, 'A Town Called Hypocrisy' has been officially stuck in my head for days. And there are a few parts where the backup singers sing "La. La. La. Lalalalalalalaaa...." that plays in my head sometimes too. And I'm not complaining coz' I LOVE the song. The video is pretty interesting too, though it is a bit YMCA-ish coz' of all the guys dressing up in various costumes. The lead singer says something rather funny before the song starts.



These guys also have the most fascinating titles for their songs, asides from the one above. Titles like 'Can't Stop, Got a Date With Hate', 'For All These Times Son, For All These Times', ' Always All Ways', and 'Heaven for the Weather, Hell for the Company'. All very good songs, but their hit song 'Rooftops' is still the best.... next to 'A Town Called Hypocrisy', that is. :)

Of course, not many people would give a crap about my unique rocker-fied musical tastes, so I won't waste your time by gushing about them too much. Too busy downloading all their music anyway. *whistles*

The automated toilet flush conspiracy

Wow, just when I couldn't get any more unproductive at work, today I come into the head office and find that the internet connection is down. At least before this I could occupy myself by doing the online trainings, or watching stupid Youtube videos, or just wasting time surfing the net while trying to look like I'm working. With no internet I can't even do any of that, so the most productive thing I can do is write my next blog post on Word and wait for the net to come back to life so I can continue wasting my time online. Fortunately this week I booked myself a better workstation in the office, which is hidden behind some humungous cupboards so it's a lot harder for people to notice that I'm not doing any real work. Last week, the workstation I was at was a pretty open area…but I think I did a pretty good job of looking busy, coz' there was a new girl there sitting nearby whom I met after work, and she said she wanted to say hi to me but saw that I looked so absorbed in my work that she didn't want to disturb me. Oh yeah, I've so mastered the fine art of looking busy. Now I just need to make sure I don't die of boredom while waiting for the Sime Darby offer letter that never seems to come. I'm starting to wonder if maybe God is making them slow on purpose so I have an excuse to hang around Accenture until the end of the month and I can still get a full month's pay…which doesn't make me feel any less like a leech, but if I can get away with it, what the heck. I've heard of people here who sit around waiting for a project for up to 7 months, and they get paid while doing pretty much nothing all that time… so half a month's pay for me is probably pittance for them. Heh.

One thing about being in my head office in KLCC is that the facilities here are pretty good. The workstations are comfy and the pantry is topped up everyday with coffee, tea and these really awesome jam cookies that I can't seem to get enough of. But there is one soup-ed up facility that I don't really like… which are these sensor-activated toilet flushes.

You would think in theory that it's a massive convenience to have the toilet automatically flush itself after you are done releasing your unwanted fluids and other miscellaneous wastes… but in reality, it doesn't quite work out that way. What usually happens is this:

1) Go into toilet cubicle and shut the door

2) Sit on toilet bowl and proceed to do relevant 'business'

3) Occasionally lean too far forward, resulting in the sensor no longer detecting toilet occupant

4) Toilet flushes while occupant is still doing her business

5) Loud exclamations along the lines of "@$%#!!!" from toilet occupant

It's a bit amusing when I hear it happening to other ladies in the loo (what can I say, it's schaedenfreude), but after a few times of going through this myself, and sometimes haven't having to endure two or more unwanted flushes in a row, I now have the 'Mission:Impossible' theme playing in my head every time I go to the loo. My mission, if I choose to accept it, is to carry out my toilet business without causing the flush to activate prematurely. And every time I succeed, and get out of the toilet without any unwanted premature flushings, I look back, waiting for the dang thing to flush itself…..and it doesn't.

I swear it's a conspiracy by the toilet bowl manufacturers to annoy us.


Hallelujah, my office internet connection is back up now, so now I can do some slightly more productive things than blogging about annoying automated toilet flushes!

Inspiration for emo country song

A couple of months back, I had an interesting conversation about our BGR relationships with a couple of guy friends at a mamak. So interesting that I was inspired enough to want to write a song or poem about it... something which I haven't done in 3 years. I suspect that once I became another drone in the big mundane working world, whatever poetic juices left in me were sucked dry. And due to this, and also because I was exceedingly busy with Easter play and other things in between, I didn't really have much time to sit down and think about how to write this thing... and whatever I did write came out sounding like the lyrics of a super emo country song. I think I've written more than enough emo stuff in my youth to last me a lifetime, so now I've decided to scrap the idea of going back down the route of emo poetry and write a blog post instead.

The name of the two guys involved in this conservation have been changed to Joe and Ed to protect their identities, save them from potential embarrassment and to prevent them from killing me for writing this. Of course, I can't remember all the details, so forgive me guys, if I misquote something, but basically went something like this:

Me: So tell me, Joe, how many frivolous crushes have you had in your lifetime?
Joe: Em....none.
Me: What?? Oh c'mon, I know you had at least one!
Joe: That wasn't a frivolous crush! She was...and is still... someone I really care about...
Me: Still is? Wait a minute... we are talking about the same girl right?
Joe: Yeessss....
Me: *Gawks* (because I've known this guy for at least 5 years, and he started liking this girl probably more than 5 years ago. And to find out that he still likes her now is mind-boggling!)
Ed: But she's getting married!
Joe: I know!!
Me: *Gawks even more*
Joe: I've tried to move on, but couldn't...
Me: There's so many girls out there who would love to go out with you, man. And it's been so long!
Joe: I know! Just that no one else I've met can compare to her. She really made an impact on my life and taught me a lot of things...(goes on to explain what a fantastic person she is). *Sigh* I know it's silly that I haven't moved on. I've told some other friends about it before, and they called me a fool for not getting over her.
Me: Well I dunno... isn't it even more foolish to have many 'frivolous crushes' and getting into bad relationships because of it?
Joe: But that's normal foolishness! Mine isn't!
Ed: Well, I haven't had any 'frivolous crushes' either, but I have liked 3 girls before, also because they made an impact on my life (goes on to tell who one of the girls is, which turns out to be someone quite a few guys have a thing for). But even though I liked them, I knew I couldn't be with them, so I just had to get over it.
Me: How did you just 'know' you couldn't be with them?
Ed: First thing I asked myself is - Can I provide for them? And I knew that I couldn't, so I just let it go.
Me: Well, Joe would have no problem providing for this girl he likes. He's got a pretty good job going for him.
Ed: I'm not talking about providing financially, but providing emotionally and being there for her.
Me: Oh...


And the conversation from that point on totally slips my mind. But what I do remember here really got me thinking (after I got over the shock that Joe still likes the same girl after more than 5 years).

Like when I asked Joe which was more foolish... having so many crushes on different people and ending up in bad relationships, OR liking (or dare I say, loving?) a girl for so long and even when you know you can't ever have her, you still can't let go. I suppose from Joe's perspective, the latter is more foolish coz' it's all he's experienced. The longest I've ever been interested in one guy was 2 years, which is already a long enough time to figure out that that person probably isn't going to be interested in you, like, ever (there are some rare exceptions, of course!). Liking the same person for over 5 years and even knowing the person is about to get hitched...well, I imagine that would be sheer torture. AND foolish in a way... but hoping for a great relationship that will probably never happen is, in my humble opinion and experience, still better than being impatient and getting into a not-so-good relationship and hoping that it will turn out great. Coz' usually it doesn't. And you end up regretting stuff and getting hurt and wishing you hadn't been so impatient. Which really sucks. Big time. So even though this is the more 'common' scenario for a lot of people, doesn't make it any less foolish.

So take heart, Joe, I don't think you're half as foolish as the rest of us impatient people. And the girly side of me thinks it's rather sweet and romantic that you still like her after so long... though the more realistic side of me wants to shake some sense into you and yell "Get over her NOW and move on with your life!!!!". Bygones.

The other thing that got me thinking was what Ed said about asking yourself if you can provide emotionally for the person you like... and if not, you should just let it go. The thing is... if you don't think you can provide emotionally for this person, then who can you provide for? Whoever you get into a relationship with, you need to be there for them emotionally (and in other ways too), unless that person has the emotionally capacity of a rock. Which is highly unlikely for most girls. Most girls need emotional support from their guy, so if you think you can't be all there for one girl, what about the next one you are interested in? Does that mean you won't be with a girl until you work out how to increase your emotional capacity? :P

Perhaps I didn't really get what Ed meant by this, but I have a suspicion that there is another, more important reason he decided to give up liking these girls.... which is maybe coz' he thinks he's not good enough for them. Which is more understandable, to me, anyway. The one girl he told me about is liked by several guys for good reasons. Very talented. Very friendly. Good leader. And not too bad on the eyes. If I were him, I'd probably feel I don't deserve someone like that too. Which is also a sucky feeling. It sucks to see a lot of good in someone and really like that person for all those good qualities, and then realize you're nowhere near as great as the person that you like, and you think that person deserves someone much better than you. Ouch. And so because you want that person to be happy, you decide to not pursue the relationship and hope that the person finds someone much better. Double ouch. Logically speaking, I know love doesn't work that way. There's no caste system in love, where if two people are not equally talented / smart / etc... they should not be together. But sometimes it is pretty hard not to feel that way.

But anyhow, everyone has their own sob stories to tell when it comes to relationships. One thing I've learned that sort of helps me, and probably would help Joe, and maybe Ed, if you guys ever get round to reading this (you know who you are!)... is just pray for the person that you like. As tempting as it is, refrain from praying that the person will like you back, coz' that just gives you false hopes. But pray that they will have a good day, or if they're having problems, pray that they will overcome it, and stuff like that. And if you're like me, you will end up remembering to pray for other people as well, coz' you know... it's not fair to channel all your prayers to just that one person, right? It's makes a pretty good reminder for me to pray for the other people I care about... and somehow or another, after I'm done praying, I remember that there are way more important things in life than my 'obsession' with that one person.

Ah yes, sob love stories make for good emo country song lyrics. Bleh.

It's Weird Al time!

Woo hoo, I finally got round to changing my boring old blog music... to Weird Al Yankovic songs! If you don't know Weird Al, who is only one of the greatest singer/songwriter of parodies and funny songs ever, please come out from under your coconut shell and read this. Well, honestly not all of his songs are great. Some are pretty lame. And some are quite...em... scary (eg. he has a song about Santa Claus going crazy and killing all the elves and reindeer. And another one about visiting the dentist! *shudder*). But he's been doing parodies since before I was born, so he has come up with quite a few good songs within that time. Since I was abnormally free this week, I had the time to search and listen to most of his songs on Youtube, and got eight of my absolute favourites right here, so you all can enjoy a laugh... or two... or eight. Here's a rundown of the songs:

Song #1: You Don't Love Me Anymore

Description: A romantic ballad about a guy whose girlfriend does all sorts of things to try and kill him, causing the poor sod to suspect that she doesn't love him anymore. The video for this song is a parody of Extreme's video for 'More Than Words'. Weird Al's vid is a bit funnier after you watch Extreme's vid, but the only really hilarious parts of the former are the two times Weird Al picks up a guitar. The second time is pretty scary!

Best lyric (to me, anyway!):
"You slammed my face down on the barbeque grill. Now my scars are healing but my heart never will..."

Song #2: Bob

Description: An old school song done in the style of Bob Dylan. Every single line makes absolutely no sense, but there is something very special about the lyrics of this song. If you're especially free, try listening to the song and see if you can guess what it is. If you're really stumped, watching the video will probably help (don't read the video description though, coz' that gives it away. :)).

Best lyric (just coz' it makes the least sense):
I won't write the whole line coz' it would be too big a hint, but it says something about a moody baby dooming a yam!

Song #3: Your Horoscope for Today

Description: Thankfully, Weird Al did not end up becoming an astrologist, because his predictions would be most unusual, as evident in this song. The vid's not particularly great, but if you're curious, then go here.

Best lyric:
"Leo! Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face."

The entire bridge of this song is also a hilarious and incredibly long single sentence, which somehow Weird Al could sing in one big breath. :)

Song #4: Smells like Nirvana

Description: This is my FAVOURITE Weird Al parody, just coz' he took a perfectly serious hard-on rocking song like "Smells like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana and made a complete joke out of it. But considering the song is kind of noisy, only hard-core rock fans like myself would truly appreciate this parody, which makes fun of Kurt Cobain's inability to sing coherently. Honestly, after watching the original, I still can't hear most of the lyrics. :P But doesn't really matter, coz' this is one case where the original song, as great as it is, doesn't compare to the parody... both the song AND the video by Weird Al.

Best lyric: Can't choose one. The whole song cracks me up every time!

Song #5: Polkamon

Description: A very cute, upbeat and fun song in which Weird Al sings about 56 different types of Pokemon! I seriously cannot stop myself from tapping my feet or bobbing my head every time I hear this song coz' it's sooooooo fun! I don't think there's an official video for it though, but if you wanna know how the Pokemon Weird Al sings about in the song look like, do watch this, which is a pretty good fan vid for this song I found.

Best lyric: The lyrics don't matter in this song... only the music!!!

Song #6: Virus Alert

Description: A song that warns about an insidious computer virus that can do very nasty things to your computer... and pretty much everything else around you. Examples include changing your name to Reggie, causing the paint to peel off your walls, and... making you physically attracted to sheep?!?! Well, this is a Weird Al song, so don't expect much in terms of logic! And it has a pretty ok video to go with it.

Best lyrics (when Weird Al describes the best way to get rid of the virus):
"Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down. Drop it in a 43 foot hole in the ground. Bury it completely, rock and boulders should be fine. Then, burn all the clothes you may have worn anytime you were onliiiiine!"

Song #7: Close But No Cigar

Description: A very catchy song about his ex-girlfriends, Gillian, Janet and Julie, who were all so close to being the 'perfect' girlfriends... except for some rather minor imperfections that he deems perfectly unacceptable. A very 'miang' cat represents Weird Al in the video for this song.

Best lyric (when describing his last girlfriend, Julie):
"And did I mention she's a world famous billionaire bikini supermodel astrophysicist?"

Song #8: Ode to a Superhero

Description: A parody of the song "Pianoman" by Billy Joel, but instead gives a good rundown of the characters in Spiderman 1. If you watched the movie, this song would be pretty funny, coz' it makes fun of quite a few things in the show. The unofficial video can be found here.

Best lyric (about Norman Osborne a.k.a the Green Goblin):
"Yes, he's wearing that dumb Power Ranger's mask... but he's scarier without it on" (this is SO OOO true!)


And that's all the songs I put up here, but of course, there are quite a few more interesting Weird Al songs I would recommend if you are bored to tears and have a fast internet connection. Check out the vids for these songs:

1) "Fat", which is a parody of Michael Jackson's "Bad". The song itself isn't particularly funny, but the video is totally hilarious. BUT you absolutely MUST watch the original MJ's video first before watching Weird Al's video. Only then can you truly appreciate it. :)

2) "Bedrock Anthem", which parodies two Red Hot Chilli Pepper songs, "Under the Bridge" (intro only) and "Give It Away". The parody is about life as the Flintstones. Yabba dabba yabba dabba dabba do now!

3) "Alternative Polka" and "Angry White Boy Polka", which aren't parodies, but polka medleys of some popular rock songs. Only for those who like rock, of course, otherwise it's not as funny hearing Weird Al's completely warped versions of these songs.

Try not to suffer from Weird Al overdose now....

A boring blogpost about boredom

I am so bored.

I just went for interview last Tuesday for an environmental management job at Sime Darby Plantations. They said they want to make me an offer. They've been saying they will get the offer ready since last week. Until now, it's still not ready. I called the HR lady yesterday and she says she can only discuss it with the manager this Friday, then I can call her back late Friday afternoon. Means I can only get the offer earliest on Monday.

This would not be too bad if I was still busy at work. BUT I completed my project at TM on the 4th, and although I was slated for another project, I decided to tell the project manager that I would most likely be leaving the company, so that he could find a replacement for me. So I was on that project for a grand total of 3 days until he found a replacement (actually 2 replacements... although both are inexperienced newbies) then he decided to kick me back to the Accenture head office to await my fate.

So since Monday, I've been sitting at one quiet workstation in the head office shaking leg. I would *like* to do some work, but they can't put me on another project if I am going off. The only thing I can do is online training...which makes me feel like a leech coz' I'm doing the training for my own benefit and not the company's. And the longer I sit here, the more company's resources I'm wasting and the more bored I get. I'll probably tell them not to pay me for half month once I get the offer and I decide to resign... don't think it's fair for me to be paid for doing nothing here.

And though most people here leave me alone coz' they don't know me, there are some people I do know who ask me what I'm doing here. And I'm not very comfortable telling people I'm leaving when I haven't gotten the offer letter and it's still not confirmed. I especially don't want to get bombarded with questions like:

"WHYYY??? Accenture is such a good company! You're still quite new! Rant! Rave! Whine"

OR...

"Oh, so where are you planning to go? Sime Darby? To do what? Environmental Management? Is this like some kind of, 'Save the World' kind of thing?"

Yes, I've always dreamed of wearing red and blue tights and my underwear on the outside while making a living. Play me the Captain Planet theme song now please.

So while I continue to waste away at my head office, waiting forever and a day for that offer letter, I manage to keep myself somewhat sane by:

1) Chatting online with a friend from my old project who's also 'on the bench' a.k.a in between projects. Actually, I'm more like whining to him about how slow those Sime Darby people are and how bored I am and how long it takes to get from home to the head office and how incredibly slow the KTM is and how crazy the people are to get on it during rush hour (I've decided I'd rather drive all the way to Kelana Jaya and take the Putra LRT then use the KTM madhouse). I'm glad he' s nice enough to listen to my whining. :P

2) Watching Youtube videos of Weird Al Yankovic. And trying to do it in such a way that people around me don't notice I'm watching Youtube instead of working. Requires quite a bit of skill, I tell you. By the way, I do believe it's time to put some new music on my blog. *Hint hint*

3) Listening to the sometimes fascinating phone conversations of people around me. Don't really have a choice coz' they're pretty loud and might as well have a sign on their desk flashing "Listen to me NOW!"

4) Watching http://www.stickdeath.com/. But that kind of made me less sane, so I stopped.

5) Reorganizing my MSN messenger contacts and wondering who the heck some of the people on my list are, before I promptly delete them off my list.

6) BLOGGING.



I am so bored.

Lessons on how NOT to impress a girl

There a guy's at my company, but from a different project, whom I suspect has a thing for me. Of course, I can't be totally sure as he hasn't really come out and said that he has a thing for me, and there is always the possibility that I am wrong. But when a guy does stuff like sms-ing or calling me more frequently than most people would, just to ask me stuff that I have already informed through email or talk about nonsense in general, OR asks for my MSN messenger id to chat about frivolous things, OR is the first to volunteer to help me carry stuff from a costume shop... then I don't think it's unreasonable to suspect he has a thing for me.

If the costume shop part didn't give it away, this guy, whom I suspect has a thing for me, was actually on the same performance team as me for my company's annual dinner and dance, which was on last Friday night. He got the dubious honour of playing Puss-in-Boots/Horatio Caine in our CSI Fairyland skit. I decided not to wear spaghetti straps and a mini skirt, and instead went for my favourite sparkly red dress, for my Fairy Hotmother role. We all had to rent parts of our costumes though, and there's this nice little shop called Costume World in Bandar Utama where I got my wings, wand and crown, and he got a pretty cool looking swashbuckling kind of costume.

Anyway, I've only known this guy for a couple of months at most, and I don't see him often, so I don't know much about him and am not much interested in him, though he *seems* nice. Perhaps if I had met him 3 years ago, I would've been all excited about meeting a rather nice guy who seems interested in me. Unfortunately, I've learned that nice guys aren't always all they're cracked up to be... so I've become a lot more wary. Which is good. Coz' if this guy really is interested in me and is trying to capture my attention, he's done it in the wrong-est ways possible... All guys out there, please take heed, as I present to you, several ways on how NOT to impress the girl you like... based upon the true life story of this guy whom I suspect has a thing for me:


Lesson #1: You will NOT impress a girl by being abnormally BLUR
Being blur because you don't know, hear or read up on latest events is still acceptable. Being blur about something that is blatantly obvious to the whole world is just plain dumb.

For example, when you are with a group of fellow colleagues practicing for a performance and you are in charge of ordering pizza for dinner and someone asks to add chicken wings, while you are making your call to Dominoes, DO NOT ask the person on the other end a question like this:

"The chicken is chicken, ah?"

You will only induce uproarious laughter from your fellow colleagues, and people like me will say "Yes, the chicken is chicken. The chicken is not pizza."

Another example, if the girl you like has put the following personal message on her MSN messenger "My life flashed before my eyes! Well, not really...", DO NOT go and ask her something like this:

"Whoa! What flashed?"

You will only cause the girl you like to stare at her computer screen for several seconds, wondering how on earth she should answer such a question. She will contemplate pointing out your dumbness by replying "Errr... my life?" But if she is nice like me, she will merely explain that she nearly got into a car accident while coming back from lunch that day.

But still, abnormal blurness can be somewhat acceptable since the girl you like would enjoy getting good laughs... at your expense, of course. So this lesson is not as important as....


Lesson #2: You will NOT impress a girl by asking her if her dress will be SEXY
When chatting with the girl you on online about your costumes for an upcoming performances and she happens to tell you that she will be wearing a red dress, even though her role call for a 'hot' costume, DO NOT ask her this:

"Sexy ah? Hehe"

You will, again, cause the girl to stare at the screen and wonder how to answer such a question. And not only that, but she will most likely start to think that you are some sort of 'buaya'. You do not want to give that sort of impression to a girl.

But considering my role did call for a relatively hot dress, I shall give him the benefit of the doubt and assume his intentions were not 'buaya'-ish. So this lesson is not as important as....


Lesson #3: You will NOT impress a girl by being 2 hours LATE for a stupid reason
If you are the main character in a skit and you are supposed to be having a skit practice at 9.50am with your teammates on a Saturday when everyone else would rather be either sleeping or doing something more fun than meeting at KLCC office for a practice, DO NOT be 2 hours late for the practice, resulting in everyone else not being able to do anything for 2 hours because YOU are the main character.

IF you must be late, at least let it be because of a good reason. Examples of good reasons are... Your relative died. Your dog died. Your pants caught fire and your rear-end now has third degree burns. Example of a stupid reason to be late: Deciding to send your car for servicing on that morning. In case you did not know, at least half a day should be allocated for car servicing. As good as your mechanic is, I doubt he is Superman and moves faster than a speeding bullet.

It is also not impressive when you call up the girl you like at 9.40am (just when she has reached KLCC) to ask her to inform the group that you will be late...because you stupidly decided to service your car.

It is also not impressive when you tell her that you will only reach there at 10.30am... but at 10.30am, you are still not there. And you don't even bother to call back to update the group... so we have to call you from the office, only to find out that you are STILL at the workshop.

It is ALSO not impressive when we call you again at 11.30am, you finally say that you have left the workshop, and then ten seconds later you sms the girl you like just to tell her you are on the way when obviously she already knows. She will either not reply to you, OR send a reply that will be quite unpleasant. If the girl is nice like me, she will just do the former.

This is a very important lesson. However, this lesson is STILL not as important as....


Lesson #4: You will NOT impress a girl by dumping your stuff on her and expecting her to act like your mother.
If you are at the annual company dinner that you have been practicising so hard for, and you ask the girl you like to let you put your stuff (wallet, car keys, house keys and handphone) into her handbag because for God knows what reason, the pants you are wearing do not have large enough pockets (how you carry your stuff at other times remains a mystery)...DO NOT disappear somewhere into the crowd at the end of dinner when the girl you like needs to rush off and is looking to give you back your stuff.

It is also not impressive when she finally does find you among the crowd of a gazillion people, when she has given you back you wallet, car keys and house keys, and she is holding your handphone out for you to take it, you almost run off back into the jumping and screaming crowd of people enjoying an after-dinner dance session, forgetting your handphone. So she has to yell out at you to take your handphone. Forgetting the stuff that you dumped onto the girl you like is not impressive.

What is even MORE not impressive is when the girl you like paid the deposit for the costume you are wearing, and when she asks it back from you so she can get back her deposit from the shop, you are in such a rush to join the dance, you quickly take off the costume and quite literally throw everything into her hands before running off to join the crowd of jumping, screaming people. Usually, it would be more impressive to nicely fold the costume, help take it back to the table where you sat and put it into the costume shop bag. It would be even more impressive if you helped the girl you like to carry the four bags of costumes to the car, considering she also has a laptop bag, a knapsack and her handbag to carry with her. Just a thought.

And last, but not least, it is NOT impressive when the girl you like carries the costume you threw at her back to the table, only to find that you decided to keep your shirt and mp3 player in the costume bag. This will result in the girl you like wondering for a split second if she should tell you to take your most-likely-to-be-expensive mp3 player for safekeeping... but when she realises she has to hunt you down in the crowd of jumping, screaming people, she decides to just dump your shirt and mp3 player on a chair, take the costumes and leave. If she is nice like me, she will cover the mp3 player with your smelly shirt so there is less chance of someone else stealing it. Whether or not you remember to take your stuff, the girl you like wouldn't really care much at that point. Especially after the costume throwing incident. I might be able to tolerate such behavior if I was your pushover girlfriend. Or your mother. But I'm not your girlfriend. I'm not a pushover. And I'm definitely NOT your mother!


And that is the end of my lesson for today. Needless to say, I highly doubt I will be interested in this guy anytime within this century.