I've been sleeping like a log and sucking up honey like a bee, but still feeling a bit sick. And to add to that, all the major national new year's eve celebrations were cancelled to pay respects to the tsunami victims. Great way to start the new year....
I did go for my church's new year's eve service last night, where we did the expected stuff like praying for a bunch of stuff, and opening the floor for people to give testimonies about how God has worked in their lives during the year. I didn't go up to share anything though. Not because I haven't seen God working in my life in 2004.... I know God has definitely revealed Himself to me quite a few times during the year. But mostly He did it when I'm feeling most like I want to just run away from Him or ignore Him. He really revealed Himself to me at one particular time when I thought I was too far gone to call myself a real Christian and actually decided to stop going to church, reading my Bible, and basically just not do anything 'Christian'. So it would've been kind of embarassing to go up there and testify that God revealed Himself to me mostly when I was disobeying Him. :Þ
Not only that, but I simply have never been able to imagine myself as one of those Christians who can go on and on about all the wonderful ways that God has worked in their lives. It's always seemed too simplistic to me to say that everything good in my life is a blessing from God while everything bad is from the devil and God just allows bad stuff to happen to some funny reasons we can't understand....deep down I know it's true, but it still seems sort of ridiculous to me to impart that belief on others by testifying that every little good thing that happens to me is from God. Perhaps it's because I grew up in such a pessimistic and skeptical family, which made me that way as well. Yeah, I know it's a sorry excuse to blame my family for the way I am...I know I could change my mindset if I really wanted to, and become a more cheery and optimistic and joyful-like person. Unfortunately, old habits die hard. Besides, I like being pessimistic and skeptical. It makes me think a lot more about stuff. And helps me to write good poems :Þ So yeah, that's another reason why I'm not much into giving testimonies and all. Also a reason why I always think I'm too far gone to be a real Christian. But if God keeps dragging me back to Him every time I run away, well, there's nothing much I can do about it..... He loves me too much to let me off that easy, I suppose...
Anyway, Happy New Year, everybody! And yeah, God bless. :)
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