Staring down 3 storeys

My happy family of 7 gerbils spend a great deal of their time locked up inside their respective male and female designated cages. Occasionally I let them run around together in my closed room, so the males and females have a fun time getting reacquainted with each other (and the males never fail to have a go at the females, though the poor buggers always fail). Sometimes I will lock a lone gerbil in a transparent plastic hamster ball, so it can run semi-freely around the house, albeit in a claustrophobia-inducing hamster ball. And sometimes I grab one of the little fellas and poke it's head out of my bedroom window, just so it can have a look at what lies outside.

While inside their cage, they spend a lot of their waking time trying to get out of the cage, gnawing and chewing at the bars. Obviously they want their freedom... but every time I decide to grab a gerbil and pop it outside my window, usually the only thing it does is... well... nothing. It doesn't fidget. It doesn't move. It just stares at the big unknown world that lies beyond the window... perhaps in awe at what a great big wonderful world there is outside of it's cage, and perhaps scared to death that I'm going to drop it 3 storeys to the ground below.

I've been in the same place for a pretty long time, but for a while now something has been telling me that I need to get out there and go beyond what I'm doing now. And though I thought of listening to that little voice and stepping out, I was held back by some things. The main thing probably being that I enjoy my comfy little safe zone.... doing the same thing every week and hanging out with the same friends every week. But now a lot of changes have been happening and there's nothing really holding me back anymore, so I guess if there's any good time to step out and try new things, it's right now... coz' I don't wanna start getting back into comfy zone again and that little voice in my head is starting to get a bit annoying.

Ok, no more beating round the bush with riddle-ish talk then. Truth is that I've been thinking of going to another church, and I've been visiting other places for a while and pretty much decided on where I'm going to. Not that I don't like my current church, or that I don't like certain people in the church... I've learned and grown a lot here and I have a lot of good friends here. Just that, I think I've gotten too comfortable, I feel that I should be doing much more, and I'm guessing a major change of environment and people will be just the thing to kick me out of my comfort zone. Of course, going away from familiar things is extremely difficult, and I kinda feel like a gerbil being stuck out a window. On one hand, I'm excited at the possibilities of new things, new perspectives and learning new ways of doing things... and on the other hand, I feel a bit like I'm staring down 3 storeys and thinking I might rather be stuck back at home with the rest of my gerbil friends.

But still, every time I pray about it, I feel that this is what I need to do, and the place where God puts me is where I should be serving. For some reason, I feel like He's been asking me to into Youth Ministry. God knows why He wants me there... I don't even really like teenagers. They have the whole gossipy clique and hormone imbalance thing going on... yeah, yeah, I know that's a very judgemental of me. Sorry, all ye teenagers out there. I'm getting old and jaded. And yet the little voice continues to tell me to get out there and do it... do it do it do it! So I'm going to go to a church that is completely different from where I'm at now, and is very youth oriented. I see a lot of big things happening there, which is great... and hopefully I will figure out soon my place in the whole scheme of things.

Right now though, I won't be disappearing so fast from CBC, as I still do have obligations here. I'll still be around for the next 3 weeks or so, after which I shall pull my magic act and disappear. So far, only my cell leaders know, and as I'm too chicken to tell people personally that I will be changing places, I figure if you care enough to actually read my blog and want to know what's going on in Carol's boring life, then you have the dubious honour of being among the first to know. :P