Abstract / Hypothesis:
The following research was conducted by Carol Ng (henceforth to be referred to as ‘the researcher’) from the time she began to have interest in members of the opposite sex (henceforth to be referred to as ‘test subjects’) at the approximate age of 13 to the researcher’s present age of nearly 25. During initial stages of research when attractions to test subjects lead to little or reciprocation, the researcher formulated the following hypothesis: “I am completely unattractive to guys”. However, further data collected during the research period of 12 years lead to several revisions of the initial hypothesis. At the present time, the current hypothesis maintained by the researcher which has yet to be disproved is “All Christian guys whom I have liked are Dum Dums, while all Christian guys who have liked me are Wussies”.
Methodology:
The responses of test subjects when the researcher displayed interest in them were observed and recorded (mostly in memory). The manners of which the researcher ‘displayed interest’ in the test subjects include, but are not limited to, the following:
1) Stealing occasional glances to the test subject of interest at any location in which thresearchis in close proximity to the test subject for prolonged periods of time.
2) Expending more time than usual conversing with test subject, compared to with other associates, in efforts to understand the test subject’s interests further.
3) Grabbing or making whatever opportunities possible to be in closer proximity to the test subject of interest just so the researcher can steal more glances at him, or on a lucky day, converse with the test subject.
4) Giving small gifts to the test subject that the researcher would not have bothered to give to anyone else. For example, once when the researcher was feeling a bit daring, she left an anonymous Chinese New Year card in the school desk of one such test subject.
5) Directly asking the test subject to participate in a social activity with the researcher, such as lunch, mamak, party, etc… usually with other associates present but not always. On one occasion, when the researcher was not only daring but quite possibly drunk, a request was made to a test subject to accompany her for a college prom.
6) Directly informing the test subject of the researcher’s interest in him and hoping for reciprocation.
While the majority of the test subjects were chosen by the researcher, additional data was also obtained from test subjects who elected to participate in this research by performing one or more of the following:
1) Informing associates of his interest in the researcher, which eventually led to the researcher somehow obtaining this information from the said associate or from other reliable sources.
2) Making repeated and sometimes annoying requests to the researcher to participate in activities with the test subjects such as online chatting, conversing on the phone, going out, etc, even though the researcher was not comfortable with the test subjects and denied their numerous advances.
3) Directly asking the researcher to participate in a social activity with the test subject without the presence of other associates (henceforth to be referred to as a ‘date’).
Other potential but discreet displays of interest by test subjects such as numerous glances at the researcher and exceptionally positive body language when conversing with the researcher which did not lead to the test subject performing one of the three actions listed above are classified as invalid data due to high ambiguity. This data is therefore not included in this research.
Results and Discussion:
The behaviors of all test subjects are divided into six main categories as follows:
1) The Go-Getters: Test subjects who directly expressed their interest in the researcher although the researcher did not display any signs of interest in the subjects.
2) The Reciprocators: Test subjects who responded positively to the researcher’s displays of interest by directly expressing their interest in the researcher.
3) The Waiters: Test subjects who responded positively to the researcher’s display of interest but waited for the researcher to directly express her interest in him. Also can be classified as a slightly different form of a Wussie (refer below).
4) The Dum Dums: Test subjects who did not respond at all the researcher’s display of interest and therefore is assumed to have been completely oblivious to the researcher’s displays of interest towards them (the Oblivious Dum Dums) OR did not have had any interest in the researcher (the Uninterested Dum Dums).
5) The Wussies: Test subjects who were found to have had interest in the researcher but failed to directly express their interest to the researcher.
6) The Annoying: Test subjects whom the researcher had no interest in OR met only once OR met online (usually through ICQ), but continuously requested the researchers to meet up, chit chat, go on dates, or perform other activities with the test subject although the researcher denied all their requests.
Within the first 5 years of the research period, which is when the researcher was still in secondary school, the results for the number of test subjects that fall into each category are as follows:
As shown in Figure 1 above, test subjects fell into only two of the four categories above. While the researcher selected a reasonable number of test subjects (too many to remember) on which she displayed interest in, all of the test subjects, although still remaining friendly to the researcher, failed to respond positively to the researcher. Therefore all test subjects in which the researcher had interest in are classified as Dum Dums. This observation, coupled with the fact that the researcher was not particularly hot at the time, lead to the formulation of the initial hypothesis:
Hypothesis 1 – I am completely unattractive to guys
However, another small group of test subjects did display obvious signs of attraction to the researcher…. But these test subjects were all either subjects who decided to randomly chat with the researcher on ICQ, customers she sold movie tickets to while working part-time at GSC cinemas, or unknown groups of males in the street who do that annoying wolf whistle to anything females that walks pass them. Therefore these test subjects fell into the category of the Annoying, and lead to the formulation of hypothesis 2, which states:
Hypothesis 2 – I am completely unattractive to guys who are not annoying
In the following 5 years of research that coincides with the time when the researcher was in college and university, the research data appears slightly different from before, as shown in Figure 2 below:
As before, the number of test subjects that fell into the category of Dum Dums (both Oblivious, and Uninterested) who did not responds to the researcher’s displays of interest were STILL too many to remember. Meanwhile the Annoying group of test subjects showed an increase, possibly due to the researcher’s drop in weight during this research phase, which would have resulted in an increase in the researcher’s hotness, since, as we all know, weight is inversely proportional to hotness.
However, within this phase, the researcher also came to know of at least two test subjects whom she did not have interest in but they did like her. However, the researcher only obtained this information through known associates or other means, but the test subjects in question never revealed their interest in the researcher to her personally. Therefore, these two subjects fell into the unfortunate category of Wussies. But this new data allowed for a revision in the earlier hypothesis to:
Hypothesis 3: I am not completely unattractive, but the guys who like me are wussies
It also was during this phase that two test subjects whom the researcher already knew quite well (and therefore did not fall into the Annoying category) not only displayed signs of interest towards the researcher, but also directly requested the researcher to go on a date. Both subjects displayed interest in the researcher before she was ever interested in them, as such, both are classified as Go-Getters. Interestingly, both test subjects were non-Malaysian males…one was from the
Hypothesis 4: Caucasian guys are significantly less wussy than Malaysian guys
In the phase after the researcher completed her studies, which was 2 years ago to the present date, although the time period is significantly shorter than the previous two phases, test results returned were still quite interesting:
The number of test subjects in the Dum Dum category sees a highly significant drop from ‘too many to remember’ to merely one. This is partially due to the fact at this phase, most of the attractive eligible test subjects have already been booked for permanent research by other females, and therefore are not qualified as data in this research. Research on the single Dum Dum subject here is, in fact, still ongoing and therefore the subject should still be unclassified. However, since there is no category for ‘Others’ and the researcher is too lazy to make one, and the subject has yet to respond to the researcher’s displays of interest, he shall for now be classified as a Dum Dum until further notice.
The subjects classified as Annoying have also shown a drop in numbers, but nevertheless are still there… an unavoidable bunch of insignificant insects out to bug the female population.
Within this phase, although there were no other Go-Getters…however, one test subject (who was one of the few non-annoying subjects I met online) was found by the researcher to be quite attractive. The subject also responded with interest to the researcher. However, the subject did not directly express his attraction to the researcher first. Instead, due to certain circumstances, the researcher made the decision to meet the subject at his location, and was also the first to directly express her attraction to the subject. Although the subject responded positively, since he failed to make the first move and instead waited for the researcher, the subject is classified as a Waiter. Which differs only slightly from a Wussie in that the researcher actually had interest in the subject. That relationship was also unsustainable, and we aaaallll know what happened there.
Is it interesting to note that of the six main categories, no test subjects could be classified as Reciprocators, ie. Subjects who responded positively to the researcher’s displays of interest by informing her of their interest in the researcher as well. Another interesting statistic is that out of all the test subjects selected for this study by the researcher, at least 13 subjects were Christians out of which 4 were Catholic, while only about 3 test subjects were non-Christians. NONE of these who selected for study displayed or expressed interest in the researcher.
Conclusion:
Ok, enough of the referring to myself in third person. All in all, throughout the second half of my life, I have had crushes on at least 20 guys (and probably more that I can’t remember right now). More than three thirds of these guys were Christians. But who were the only guys who had the guts to actually ask me out on a date? Two Caucasian guys who were non-Christian. Out of 20 eligible Malaysian and mostly Christian bachelors whom I liked, gave hints that I liked them, and to a few, even told them personally that I liked them, NONE of them returned the feeling. Except for one. But that ONE guy whom I met online also didn’t have the guts to come and meet me first…. I had to be the one to go all the way to him. And I was also the first to tell him I liked him…THEN only he responded in kind. So technically, of all the Malaysian and mostly Christian guys I liked, either:
A) They had no interest in me whatsoever, OR
B) They kind of liked me but were waiting for me to make the first move, OR
C) They kind of liked me too but were too shy to tell me coz’ they were waiting for some time to figure out if I was the ‘right one’ for them.
I’m sure most of these guys go under (A)… which I can understand. I will be the first to admit that I am hardly attractive, especially when I was in school. So I can’t really blame them for not liking me....though I will still classify them as Dum Dums, just coz' it makes me feel better. But since I have been asked out by two guys and been in two relationships, I know that I am not completely repulsive to the male species. So it’s those guys that fall under (B) and (C) that I have a gripe with, and I will bet my bottom dollar that out of those 20 guys or more, at least a few fell into one of these two categories of Wussies. And from my observation, I am not the only girl who has this problem, especially when it comes to Christian guys. I know Christian girls older than me who are waiting for a suitable God-loving Christian guy to come into their life…but no takers. I know several Christian girls who are going out with non-Christian guys. I know several Christian aunties at church who are married to non-Christian guys. But I know very few Christian guys who are going out with non-Christian girls. Why? Here’s my theory:
The Christian guys want to go out with Christian girls, and the Christian girls also want to go out with Christian guys. But most girls still subscribe to the age old belief that the guy should make the first move, not the girl. Therefore they drop hints, give signs, do anything to make a Christian guy realize she likes him, except of course, tell him. So what do the guys do? If he doesn’t like her, he won’t do anything. Fair enough. If he does like her and has the guts, he makes the first move. Great for the girl. But if he likes her but doesn’t have guts, he sits around and waits. Waits for what? Maybe waits for the girl to make the move. Maybe praying for God to reveal to them whether she is ‘the ONE’. Maybe waiting for God to drop a big bright neon sign in the shape of an arrow pointing to the girl, flashing “SHE IS THE ONE. Go get her! Right now!”. But if the sign never comes, they continue waiting. And even if the girl is brave enough to tell the guy she likes him, like I did once or twice, he stills sits around and waits. And while the guys wait, the girls also wait for the guys. And while they both wait, eventually some eligible non-Christian guy comes along, fancies the Christian girl and asks her out. And while the Christian girl would prefer to be with a Christian guy, eventually she gets fed up from all the waiting, and goes for the first eligible guy who comes along. Even if he happens to be a non-Christian. And that’s why so many Christian girls end up with non-Christian guys, but usually not the other way round. And this, unfortunately, seems to be my problem as well. Now don't get me wrong... it's great if a guy takes the time to wait and consider whether a relationship is right before jumping into it....but eventually the waiting and thinking has to stop, and some *action* is required. You don't have to straight away ask a girl to get together with you... but it won't kill to start with something really simple like going for a drink, or a movie...heck, even a late night at the mamak, just to get to know a person better.
Ok, so the next question to ask is if all the eligible Christian guys around me are kind of too 'duh' to ask me out, why don't I look elsewhere, like visit other churches? This is another problem. See, one thing the church always teaches is that church hopping (a.k.a. visiting different churches every other week) is not good. Every Christian should be rooted and faithfully serving in one church, so that they are settled and can grow spiritually in that church. So of course, church hopping for the purpose of meeting new guys is even worse, coz' we're *supposed* to be going to church to meet God and not to check out members of the opposite sex. Which I do agree with....somewhat. However, the problem remains that if I continue to stay in my church which I love, and the eligible guys who are not already taken all continue to be so 'duh', and no new eligible guys come to my church and decide to stay put, then I will be happily serving in my church for the rest of my life...but with zero love life. *Sigh* But of course, some folks of big faith will always say "Trust in God...if you are meant to be with someone, you don't have to look for that person... he will bring that person into your life. So just pray lah... and wait..." And wait... and wait some more.... But when I think about it, that sort of follows the same logic of some people who fall sick and decide they don't want to see a doctor coz' they have such big faith that God will heal them. So they pray... and wait.... and pray some more... but then, some of them still end up dead. And I don't get it. Where does it say in the Bible that if you are sick, no need to go see the doctor coz' the almighty God will heal you where you are? The bleeding woman didn't sit around at home praying for healing... she went out when she knew Jesus was around, and fought through a crowd just to touch his cloak in the hopes of being healed. And she got healed! BUT even though she had great faith, she also had to DO something...which was go out, fight through that crowd and touch Jesus. In Genesis, God could have easily made the land prosperous right where Abram was...but God told him to grab his family and everything he had and make the long journey to Canaan. In Joshua, the people of Israel could have all sat in their tents praying fervently for the walls of Jericho to come tumbling down, but instead they had to circle around it 7 times first. Even Jesus, before getting hung on the cross, prayed that he would have this burden taken away from him. But He didn't sit around waiting after that... He got up and did what he had to do. I imagine if Jesus decided to sit around waiting, all we Christians would be gone case lah. In short, in practically every story in the Bible, people are called to pray AND called to action. So wheeeere, pray tell me, did we Christians get the assumption that in the area of finding our life partner, we are just supposed to just pray about it and do nothing, expecting to God to mail us a godly life partner in a nice package with a big bow? HMMM... there's something to think about... And if anyone can give me a good, logical and Biblical answer to this, I will happily post it here. Coz' right now, I can't for the life of me, think of one. What I do also remember is the story of Ruth. I like this story. You know why? Coz' in this story, Ruth actually went after the guy, Boaz. And he responded by taking her as his wife. I won't go through the whole story now, but you can read it here. But the point of this story is that Ruth didn't just sit around praying and waiting for Boaz to get some divine revelation to marry her. She. took. ACTION.So anyway, back to my research paper and my final conclusion. And what is my final conclusion? The conclusion is this:
All Christian guys whom I have liked are Dum Dums, while all Christian guys who have liked me are Wussies
So far, this hypothesis has yet to be disproved. And as for the researcher, she has made a resolution to never again make the first move on a guy because it seems to just be a complete waste of time and energy. She will continue to give ‘hints’ to guys she likes coz’ she still has some itsy bitsy teeny weeny bit of faith left in the Malaysian Christian guys….however, this faith is diminishing at an alarmingly rapid rate. But so far it seems, if she really wants to be with a guy, she will have to emigrate to Australia, UK or some other country with Caucasian guys who are significantly less wussy are more likely have the guts to ask her out for a date. If not, she will probably have to accept the possibility of becoming an old spinster living home alone with the cats and baking fruitcakes.
References:
Don’t have any and they’re a pain in the rear to write anyway.
No comments:
Post a Comment