The Parent Trap

I had an interesting conversation with an older friend of mine the other day... we were talking about how we deal with our parents. He said that a lot of people tend to remember the faults and mistakes of their parents and not remember their successes. And I have to say that I agree with him, coz' I'm pretty much doing that myself. :P But while to my friend, success meant building a life and carreer for yourself while raising kids at the same time... to me success in building a carreer and success in raising kids are two different things. I mean, a person could be a super rich tycoon who build an industrial empire out of scratch or something...but his/her kids could grow up to be selfish irresponsible brats. That person would be a pretty successful business person, but not much of a successful parent. On the other hand, a person could have absolutely nothing in life, but raise his or her kids to be loving and caring people with strong good values. Who's more of a success in life...the good business guy or the good parent? I think no matter what most people would like to think, the world in general would hold a rich tycoon in much higher regard than a nameless nobody who raised good kids. But I try to think of success a different way...I think a person's success is based on how much that person will be missed when that person is dead and gone. Coz' that shows how much people cared about you, and shows how much you cared for others. When I die, I want to remembered not for how much money I had or how big my house and car was. I wouldn't want to be remembered for some big scientific contribution I might've made to make people's lives better (well, I wouldn't mind being remembered for that, but it's not as important as what I'm about to mention). I would want to be remembered for being someone who truly and honestly cared for others, was always willing to help people...in short, just be someone people can turn to. That's the kind of person people will really miss when he/she's gone. That's the kind of mark I want to make in the world. But of course, it's always easier said than done, and I still have a super long way to go before I become as big-hearted as I hope to be. As it is, I'm still more of a selfish brat that only thinks of herself. :P
Anyway, back to the topic on parents. The truth is, my parents have been sort driving me up the wall again, and I was tempted to give a long, hard gripe about them in my blog. But then, I'd made a promise to myself that I would stop publicly whining about my parents like an immature 10 year old, and instead try to handle my issues with them in a more civilized manner. Like all kids, I wish they would do some things differently, but I have to say that they are overall good parents and they did a pretty good job of raising their kids. Look how I came out! Hehe.... :P Ok, maybe not...
One of the things my older friend mentioned during our little discussion was that when we grow up, we always try to avoid making the same mistakes as our parents make, but end up making other mistakes that we don't realise. And I agree with him, as unfortunate as the fact may be. I'm always telling myself not to make the same mistakes my parents made once I have my own kids...but I'm sure I'm still going to have the same old problem with my kids driving me up the wall sometimes and vice versa. But that's life after all... it's human nature to want more when we already have it good, and I've know plenty of kids with wonderful parents who just want more and more from them. :P I've been thinking a lot about the kind of parent I would want to be, and even thinking of listing down some of the things I hope to do as a parent.. things which I think a lot of parents should do but make the mistake of NOT doing... Of course, I've never jad a a kid, so I'm sure there're plenty of things I still need to learn...but this would be the stuff I already know from experience with my own folks and other people as well. Maybe in the future I could maybe look back on it and see if I've lived up to what I hoped to be. Haha, now's a good time as any for that list!

Things I oughta do when I have kids. Aaaahhh!!!
1. Encourage my children to work on their talents and dreams
2. Give them more praise when it's due, instead of put-downs
3. Try and get to know their friends (until they get to that age when they just want me to mind me own beeswax...then I'll give them their space :D)
4. Teach them that there's more to life than study, work and make money
5. Set limits for them eg. a curfew, an allowance, etc so they know their boundaries clearly
6. Explain to them why they need to have those boundaries
7. Discuss a compromise if they don't agree with me and let them voice their opinions instead of pulling rank all the time and accusing them of rebelling
8. Don't make assumptions that I know why my kids feel certain ways or do certain things until I have a real talk with them
9. Treat them with respect from a young age, coz' kids are smart little buggers, they are
10. Always make sure they know I love them and nothing else is more important to me than them
11. Apologize when I know I've made a mistake
12. Don't complain about my hubby to my kids, and refrain from having big, high-pitched arguments in front of them
13. And of course, try to instill all the good shit in them like honesty, kindness, generosity and love for others.

There's plenty more I could add, and plenty more I could learn that I need to add, of course. And of course, it's going to be a whole lot harder to live up to this list once I actually get to that parenthood stage (if I ever do, coz' at the rate I'm going, just finding that special someone is a problem in itself. But that's another issue. :P). But it's good to have an idea of what you hope to be, I guess. :)