I went to see my grandma again yesterday and she really looked a lot worse than just one week before. Last week at least she could still smile and talk to me even though she was lying on the bed. Yesterday, she was just lying on her bed... couldn't even move or talk. She had the IV drip tube stuck up her nose, and the most she could do was open one eye to see who I was before going back to sleep. She couldn't even smile when I said hi, and even when I tried holding her hand again, but she still didn't respond after from opening one eye to look at me. My dad went off again to the bank nearby to try and get someone from there to come see her so he could collect her pension, so I was left with her alone for a while again. I tried telling her some stuff that happened that week, in the hopes that maybe she would be interested and listen even though she might not be able to respond. She didn't react much, and after a while I just couldn't think of what to say. It was pretty depressing.
My dad couldn't get anyone from the bank to come too, coz' of one dumb reason or another. At first it was because they only had two people there, but when another staff came in, they said they weren't allowed to go outside of the office coz' they're not insured outside the office. It wasn't the first time my dad had problems with them. A few weeks ago when my grandma could still sit in the car, and my dad took her to the same bank, he skipped the queue and asked them if one person could quickly just walk outside the bank for a few minutes to verify that she was there in the car. They said was that he had to line up like everyone else, without giving a damn that an old lady was sitting in the car in the hot sun. I wasn't there at the time, but if I was, I surely would've given them a good piece of my mind. Anyway, this time around, it was hardly surprising that these uphelpful buggers didn't want to go all the way to the nursing home. One of them finally said that since my grandma had a joint account with one of my cousins, we had to send the account book to him and only he can without her pension. I dunno how reliable her info is though, and I won't be surprised if he has problems taking the pension out coz' he lives in Singapore and can therefore only withdraw in Johor, which is way too far for the bank people to verify that grandma is still alive. They would probably give him problems. *sigh* If that happens, I'm seriously going to write in to the newspapers and give this bank a good verbal blasting.
Anyway, after visiting my grandma, my dad and I went to visit a funeral parlour, in preparation for the inevitable. When we found the place, and my dad was discussing options with the owner (who seems very jovial for a guy working in that business. Maybe he needs to be!) I was walking around looking at the coffins and looking at some of the nice Chinese clothes they have for the deceased to wear. I know that soon, my grandma will be wearing one of those clothes and lying in one of those coffins, but at the time, it still felt unreal. Not depressing, just unreal.
One of the things my dad asked me recently about my grandma was what my opinion would be on taking her off the IV drip. My uncle had already said it's better to pull the plug since there is no hope of her recovering and she's already so old. My dad can't decide and doesn't want to decide. For me, I straight away agreed with my uncle. Seeing the way she is now, I just don't see the point in dragging on the inevitable. She's definitely going to pass away, and might as well let her go sooner to that better place instead of prolonging her existence in this vegetative state. Not being able to walk, or talk, and do anything, every minute of every hour of every day. If I were her, I wouldn't want to stay that way any longer. But then I started thinking about the issue of euthanasia.... in a way pulling the plug would be sort of euthanasia. And Christians always say that life is precious, and God should decide who lives and who dies and therefore euthanasia is wrong...yadda yadda yadda.... So would it be wrong in this case? I don't know. I think some hardcore supposed Christians who follow the book to the tee would just say it's wrong flat out. But like I said, her death is inevitable, so maybe I could say God probably wants her back now and we're keeping her from going to Him by putting her on the IV drip. Bah, stupid theological controversies.
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