My grandma finally decided to head back home on Thursday. I got the news around 5 o' clock in the afternoon from my dad, just after coming back from work. I just kinda went "Oh" when I heard the news. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but once it had actually happened, well, it still felt surreal. On the way to the nursing home with my parents to collect the body, at the back of my mind, I was thinking, maybe she just looks like she's gone coz' she pretty much looked half dead for the past week or so. I mean, how could they tell for sure? People have made mistakes before, identifying people as dead and then they 'miraculously' came back to life or something. But as soon as I reached the nursing home and I saw my grandma, I just knew she was most definitely gone. She was lying there a little curled up with her mouth gaping and her hands across her body. And she was pale and completely motionless. She actually didn't look like she died very comfortably, and I was standing there for a while, kinda wanting to adjust her body a bit and close her mouth so she didn't look so bad, but I couldn't do it. Soon, some people from the funeral parlour came in and took her body away in a rather unceremonious fashion... they covered her in the blanket and carried the whole mattress with her on it to the hearse.
Me and my mum went home after that while my dad and uncle went off to settle the arrangements for the next day with the funeral parlour. I sms-ed my pastor and a few other people from church about my grandma, Aunty Jo, Aunty Karen and Theng Terk. I had asked Pastor Mal just a few days beforehand if he would be willing to do a prayer service for my grandma in the event of her passing, so I had to fill him in, and others too, with the details. Most of which weren't finalised yet til later that night when my dad came back. Originally we had planned to have the service at SFX, but I think the fellas there were making my dad wait too long before they could confirm anything, so we decided to use the funeral parlour for the service instead. They had a nice big hall and everything, so it was pretty convenient.
The next day, there was nothing much left to do but wait for the service at night, and since I was free, I decided to go to work anyway as I only had a one hour class. When we got to the funeral parlour later that day, we milled around with the relatives waiting for everyone else to come. It actually felt more like a normal family gathering than anything else... no one showed much sadness, my relatives were chatting about normal everyday stuff, and certainly no one was crying. My mum still had plans to go for some line dancing practice after the service (coz' she has some dancing competition going on next week) and my dad could still make jokes about sitting bulls and other weird things he jokes about which I usually think are lame. This time around, not only was it lame, but probably inappropriate. The funniest thing was during the service, my dad's phone rang...not ONCE, but TWICE while my pastor was speaking. And he actually picked it up! Later on he told me that it was one of his friends saying he couldn't come to the service... but I still scolded him a bit for not turning his handphone off or switching it to sient mode... and then he grinned and told me he didn't know how to turn it to silent mode.... X_X Good grief.... I suppose it's good that my dad and uncles cared enough for my grandma to take good care of her in her old age... but the fact that her own children seemed so stoic towards her passing was pretty sad. But maybe it was also coz' she was old and everyone was pretty much ready for her to go anytime. I wasn't the only one who had expectations of how people would react though. When my friend Mei Ling called me that night to say her condolences, I picked up and said "What's up?", and she was like "Er...ok, you sound pretty normal..." Haha, I guess if I can react like that, what can I say about other people who do the same? :P
The time when I really felt emo was during the prayer service when my pastor started playing Amazing Grace and How Great Thou Art. I kinda cried a wee bit then for some reason, I think just coz' the music was so emo. :Þ And I was pretty touched by the number of people from my church who came. I only told a few people the day before, and I think more than 25 people turned up. I was pretty blown away by it. I think my mum was touched by it too, and after the service, I overheard her saying to my mum how she liked what my pastor said during his message and that she might actually come to my church on Easter Sunday. My mum who doesn't believe in God, thinks all Christians are hypocrites and would much rather be watching tv on Sunday mornings. Needless to say, I'm pretty happy about that. Gives me the chance to bug her to come to my church more often! :Þ Plus she knows now that my church people are the type who don't just talk the talk, but walk the walk and will support their members through tough times. Go CBC! I don't think she'll bug me anymore about going to church so much anymore. :Þ Anyway, during the part where people were supposed to go up and give eulogies for grandma, I was surprised to see Uncle Mak from church going up to give an eulogy after a few people, including myself, had already gone up. I think my jaw was dropping and I was thinking "What on earth is he going to say??? He barely knows my grandma!" Then he went on to talk about not just how nice my grandma was, but also said went on about me being such a good granddaughter, being patient enough to take her to church every now and then even though my grandma walked so slowly. And he said I was a good example for everyone else to learn to be patient with people and all that... Wah liow weh... I half wanted to hide, man! He's supposed to talk about my grandma, nout about me! Plus, most of the time when I took grandma to church, it was mostly coz' my dad bugged me to take her out and keep her entertained. So it's not like I'm so great leh. Dang, now I really pressure to keep up the good image, man.... X_X And Uncle Mak also encouraged everyone to come to our church too... sort of like advertising our church. Lol. I hope nobody got offended by that.
Anyway, yesterday morning we had the funeral service for granny at St. Ignatius church. It was a pretty normal mass, with all the standing and sitting and kneeling inclusive (half the time, I'm trying to remember when I'm supposed to do what, and when I can't remember I just look at everyone else...:Þ). I was chatting with my cousin's wife, Boon Wan, after the service. They have a cute little 4 year old daughter named Sher Lyn, who Boon Wan said was asking a lot of questions during the service. She asked who were the man and woman (statues) in the church, and her mum told her they were Jesus and His mother, Mary. Then Sher Lyn asked where was Jesus' father.... LOL! That was actually a really good question, I thought! She's going to be one smart kiddo...
After the funeral, we took the body to the crematorium, put flowers on her coffin and said our last goodbyes to granny before they put her in. The guys there actually let us see a bit of what was going on in there by opening up the furnace (or whatever they call it) just enough for us to see the flames engulfing the coffin. I was thinking that it was a waste of a perfectly good coffin. :Þ And then the coffin ashes would be all mixed up with my granny's ashes.... So we left and we were told that the next day the ashes could be collected, but my dad hasn't collected them yet. He and my uncles will be taking the ashes to Ipoh to be buried on Tuesday. I don't think I'll be going with them coz' I'm pretty busy. Plus I don't really wanna see that all that's left of my grandma is a bunch of ashes. Sigh... these past few days when I walk around the house, I'd think stuff like "This is where grandma used to sleep, and where she'd always sit...and this is the cup she used and the bowl she ate from." I remember when I was sharing a bedroom with her when my brother was here, and one morning I woke up pretty late and saw her still sleeping. And usually she woke up early and sat in her chair, so I was a bit worried that maybe she passed away in her sleep or something... so I just lied there waiting for her to move or something... and she didn't for a while, but she finally did later on, and I was like "Whew!" Haha, I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore... I will miss her somewhat, even though I never really talked to her. I hope she's having a blast up there, or wherever she is. :D
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