Garsh, is it ten days into the new year already? Before I know it, it'll be 2007 soon.... :P I know I've been kind of absent from the blogging scene for a while, and yes, I still haven't put up the pics from my Singapore trip (will do that when it's not 3am and I'm feeling slightly braindead). I'm not proud to say that my absence have been mainly due to me being stuck to my brother's PS2, like, almost every free second I have. Yup, sad to say that ever since he bought that PS2 last year around November, I have become quite the video game addict. I just only finished playing Prince of Persia 2 tonight, which I thought was like the best game ever mainly coz' of the rock music (which my brother hated so much!) but also coz' of the cool gameplay and the interesting storyline. My only main peeves were that the game had lotsa unnecessary sexual innuendos, a couple of swear words, and plenty of blood spilling, which makes the games less than family friendly. There were these female baddies that would say things that made me think they were eternally horny dominatrixes, which makes me wonder what went on in the heads of the folks who made this game... *shiver*
ANYWAY, my addiction is finally going to be cut short when my bro leaves back to the United States on Wednesday for work, as he's taking the PS2 along with him. I'm actually glad coz' now I can get back to actually doing something productive with my time.... though I will miss being able to play DDR at home! I haven't even been writing in my journal for several MONTHS, starting from around the time my bro got that PS2. Which I don't think is a good thing, coz' the journal is the place for all my deepest, darkest thoughts, and if I don't take the time to write and mull over those thoughts, they end up hanging over my head like a cloud and I don't deal with them. Writing also usually gives me a fresh perspective or revelation on my deep, dark thoughts, which is usually something positive. Of course, writing about stuff that really frustrates or saddens me also forces out all those really annoying bad emotions. Which is maybe why I haven't really been wanting to write in my journal, coz' it's a lot easier to vegetate in front of the tv and just not deal with those emotions. :P Coz' I seem to be having quite a few of those lately.
Where do I start? Well, first of all, I've come to realise that I have a lot of fears in me that know I shouldn't be having. Fear of actually having to get a real job soon and having to face the dog-eat-dog working world while earning my own keep and dealing with all that 'grown-up' stuff like bills, and buying house and car and whatnot. Fear of getting too close to people because I don't wanna get hurt. And other fears that I don't think I wana get into detail about. And then there's the frustration of being around a certain person who is so negative and acts like the whole world, even her family, has something against her even though it isn't true. And then there's the annoyance at myself for being super impatient with my dad even though I try not to be (not very easy to be patient though, when he does things like asks me the same questions over and over again, or makes me teach him how to use a computer program that he has already used before but can't remember how to use it and he refuses to fiddle around with the program til' he figures it out again, even though I tell him it's the best way to remember how to use a program!). And there's also the annoyance with myself for my laziness in various matters I know I should do but don't do it, like sending out more resumes to companies, or editing some videos on my computer, or waking up earlier to get to work (which has flexible hours, but I almost always reach there no earlier than 1pm).
Basically, I've been kicking myself for being and feeling all these things that I know I shouldn't be and I shouldn't feel. I know I shouldn't fear anything coz' God did say that we don't need to fear or worry, and that worry is a waste of time (so true). I know I should be improving myself and be more patient and hardworking, but I find myself slipping back to old ways.
I suppose just things are only human. But I really don't think I wanna go into 2007 being the same old person I am now. So I guess some new year resolutions are in order! But right now, I need to stop thinking and get to bed. Zzzzz....
No comments:
Post a Comment