Writing in my blog has kept me occupied enough that I have not updated my personal journal for the past couple of years. Not that there was any lack of juicy secrets to write about, just that once I started working, updating a blog AND my journal was just too much of a hassle. Recently though, there's been quite a bit going on that I didn't feel like writing here, so I decided to go back to my journal and blah it all out. And so I got out a pen and picked up that dusty book I have hiding somewhere and wrote about 6 pages worth of stuff... until my hand started to ache, I was sick of having to use correction fluid everytime I make mistakes, and I still wasn't done writing. So I figured, since I type a lot faster than I write, and whenever I make errors on a comp I can simply use the almighty backspace instead of having to wait for correction fluid to dry, might as well take my personal journal online. Ooooh, how risky is that? Anyone might just be able to find my writings online and happily read all my juicy secrets. Well, there is always a risk I guess, but as long as it's no one I know reading my juicy secrets, it's ok. :P Anyhow, I tried googling my journal and couldn't find it, so I trust it's secure enough. So don't bother trying, you nosy pokes. I'm just thinking how funny it is that now everything is so easy to do online, I can't even be bothered to write the good ol' fashioned way. I can happily spend my whole life in front of my computer now... oh wait, I'm already pretty much doing that. Ack.
A hot topic to write about has been, and always will be, guys. Such as the new guy in my office whom I really enjoy having around, for little other reason other than I think he's totally hot. I'm tempted to put up a pic to show how hot he is, but asides from that being a violation of his privacy, photos of him really don't do him justice. He's much hotter in real life, mannerisms and all. And he's also pretty funny, which is always a major plus point for me. Unfortunately, I can merely enjoy looking at his royal hotness but not take it any further, for a few reasons.
One, he's just a fresh graduate and kind of a bit too young for me... one and a half years younger actually. I suppose age isn't really a problem as long as the guy is mature in dealing with issues in a relationship. Problem is it's hard even to find older guys who are mature in dealing with issues in a relationship... I highly doubt a younger guy would do much better. But perhaps it's just my rotten stinking luck. Of course, another problem is that a younger guy would be less financially secure. While I don't mind so much paying for a date every now and then, I don't want to end up paying all the time just coz' my date can't afford it.
Two, he already has a girlfriend. Or at least, I have very good reasons to think so, though I haven't asked him to confirm it and I don't intend to ask coz' I know I can't be with him for reason number...
Three, he's not Christian. Not that I think any less of guys who aren't Christian, but while any other differences like age are not so important, it IS important for me to be with someone who shares the same fundamental beliefs. If cannot pass this one criteria, then no matter how perfect he is in other aspects, it ain't gonna happen. But it's ok, coz' since I'm quite happy that I get to see eye candy in office almost everyday, sometimes semi-flirting with him coz' I'm single and I can get away with it, minus having to go through the annoying emotionals ups and downs. I do believe having hot guys in the office improves office morale... though the same may not hold true for office productivity. :P
Of course, I would not endorse getting your highs from such superficial means. What I would really like is to have a good, Christian guy in my life who loves God first, love me second and loves people too. I have some cool notions that the guy I meet will be involved in some ministry where I can be the supporting partner-in-crime, whoops, I mean, ministry. But then the problem would be if I DO meet a guy so gung-ho for God, I doubt I'd have much to offer him since I'm not all that gung-ho myself. Well, I do try... and fail... miserably. Which is probably why I've settled for guys who are much less than gung-ho for God before. But now, I think if I can't get a partner-in-crime, whoops, ministry... I'd rather go alone than settle for any less. Recently in cell, we had a discussion on 'grey' areas of our faith, like appropriate dressing, and working on the Sabbath, and also on marrying non-Christians... and my discussion group got the last topic. At the end of it, the other girls in my group (who are both attached) decided to pray for me to be able to find a good, gung-ho Christian guy to be with. I was ok with it, though I can't help but think that God would probably have plenty of better things to do then fix my love life. But then again, He did say in Genesis 2:18 that it's not good for man to be alone, and so Eve was born to keep Adam company. And thus is probably why most females have this annoying inclination to want to find partner, yours truly included, and therefore God owes me a good guy. Hmm... I should have a chat with Him about that next time I pray about it. :P
Good single gung-ho Christian guys are hard to find and prospects are few... but they're around. Right now, the mysterious tilapia guy is back on my radar again. And who is this mysterious tilapia guy? See, this the stuff I write about on my private journal. Har har. Actually, he's always been around but for some reason I've never really noticed until recently a weird chain of events led to us hanging out together for almost half a day and being with him was pretty fun. And it was only after we were done hanging out and I was heading home when I thought "Hey, we could have something pretty good going on here". Far as I can tell, he's not only totally gung ho for God, but he cares a lot for people too. So he DEFINITELY passes the main criteria. Now all I need to worry about is the secondary stuff like whether or not he's partially insane. You'd think it's a given thing that Christian guys have all their bolts screwed on tight, but interestingly enough, they can be just as whacked out as the next guy. Haha. Anyway, I'm trying not to get my hopes up or rush into anything. I just want to bide my time and get to know him better. And if something happens, then great, but if not, then well... I can just happily continue getting my kicks from the eye candy in my office. Lol.
2 comments:
Hey there, I'm the hot guy in your office and I happened to stumble on your blog....
Kidding. Heheh, interesting read actually. Here's a thought: Should or shouldn't girls make the first move??? Hmmm... Would you? ;)
Hmm... that would be funny coz'the hot guy's name isn't Su Ann! :P
Ah... the age old question on whether girls should make the first move or not. I could write a whole post on that topic! I'm assuming by 'first move' you mean a girl telling the guy that she fancies him, or doing reeeaaaallly obvious so he'd know. And yeah, Carol has been there and done that. So I HAVE done it, but whether or not I would make the first move again? Probably not. Most I do now is drop hints and leave it to the guy to make the first move. Not that I've gotten less daring, just that I've had a change in perspective after some advice from friends (who, btw, are in very happy relationships while yours truly is not, so I have no basis to argue with them. -_-' ).
I won't waffle in detail about the whole theory, but basically something about how God designed men to be the heads and women the helpers, and God is the big kahuna of all. So hierarchy is, God is (good, loving, merciful) boss of man who is (good, loving, faithful) boss of woman. Yah, doesn't sound very women empowering so I don't really like the sound of it either, but if God made it such, I can deal. Of course, the next question would be then can women be leaders? That can be another blog post...
*Ahem*, so my point is, a (good, loving, faithful) guy should be able to take charge, which means he should be the one to make the first move. If he waits for the girl to make the move, most likely the girl will continue being in charge of the relationship and the guy will be wishy-washy (though there are always exceptions, of course). If both girl and guy like each other, the guy needs to step up, be da man and go for it, not hope for the girl to make the move first. If he doesn't make the move, he's either not interested or he's a wuss. Either way, not worth a girl's time. Yah, doesn't sound very fair to the guys too, coz' if only they make the first move, then only they are at risk of getting burnt. But hey, if I'm prepared to be led for the rest of my life by a guy (or try to, anyway. No promises I won't become control freaky once in a while. :P), he could at *least* make the first move.
When you are fairly free, you can read my first research paper at http://naeem-ng.blogspot.com/2008/01/my-first-research-paper-so-get-ready.html, which expounds a lot more on my evolving theory on guys. I probably need to update that paper now as I have new findings, but I'm too lazy. Maybe I'll write a new research paper on how hot guys improve morale of female workers in the office.
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