Hard to see value

Last week during Sunday service at my church, our pastor gave his usual good message, this time about refraining from talking bad things about others. I'm hopelessly bad at remembering the details of any message, but I do remember him saying that we should not 'DEvalue' people or 'Evalue' people (I dunno where he came up with that word, but basically means something like judging people by the wrong things they have done, which leads to thinking that we are better than them) but we should 'SEE value' in people. And I understood what he was saying, that no matter what wrong things people have done, we still need to show them love instead of judging them or thinking we are better than them. But understanding that and actually living that out are two completely different things, as I have found out since I started working.

Most of the time, including at work, I am nowhere near a shining example of a Christian, and when it comes to annoying, pain-in-the-rear-end colleagues, it makes it even all the more difficult. Last time it was my supervisor who gave me and everyone else problems, but now he's gone overseas. Lately we've taken in two new female instructors who have been doing a great job so far. They know how to work independantly and take the initiative to help out whenever they can. But we're still stuck with this other female colleague, whom I took the liberty of nicknaming Miss Problematic coz' of she 'seems' to have one problem after another. First, she told us her mother is wheelchair bound and her father is diabetic, so she has to go home right on the dot at 6pm so she can care for them. A week after she started working, her grandma supposedly passed away, so she had to take a lot of leave. Then she to work crying one day coz' her boyfriend left to Taiwan to work so she broke up with him, and also because she has just found out her friend was diagnosed with Huntington's Disease. Then she later on told me she herself has Huntington's Disease (which is kind of suspicious coz' after the day she found out about her friend's conditions, she claimed she was online in the office to read up on the disease. Why would she do that if she already had the disease herself?), and told another colleague that she has a hole in the heart (and she smokes like a chimney, btw). Then she said she cannot eat spicy food, but she ate spicy food while we were out for dinner once, and the next day she claimed she had pain in her appendix or something after that, so she had to go for operation. Recently she claimed one of her friends passed away too, so she was crying in office again. And all the time a problem comes up, she ups and takes leave, leaving the rest of us having to take over her work. And even when she IS around, she's always busy sms-ing people in the office or taking smoking breaks. Plus she's careless and lazy with whatever little work she actually does do. In summary, she has given us problems since day one, and my colleagues and I are quite fed up with her and all her sob stories, half of which we suspect to be untrue. Not to mention that we suspect that she has stolen stuff from the office and even our wallets.

With a person like that around, it's pretty hard not to lament about our issues with her to other colleagues. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt at first, but after hearing problem after problem after problem from her, and putting up with her taking so much leave and leaving the rest of us in the lurch, I've reached my limit too. And when the new colleagues came in, I couldn't help but warn them about her suspected money-picking behavior. And yet, even though the stuff about her being lazyand problematic is true, I do think that talking about her behind her back isn't the right thing to do. But it's difficult to just sit back and tolerate such behavior. And I wonder, is it really wrong for me to tell others that we suspect her of stealing, even though we haven't proved it yet? I mean, if we're right and she does steal, we would be preventing our new colleagues from losing stuff to her. But if we're wrong, then we give them a super bad impression of her. If I were to do 'the right thing' and not tell anyone else about her behaviour, and instead I allow them to find out her character for themselves, that might potentially make it easier for Ms Problematic to steal from them. So what is the 'Godly way' in this situation, I wonder?

Not that I can really do anything about it now, coz' I have already warned by new colleagues about her. But it is something to think about, for the future. Gossip does go around my office quite a bit, and much as I know I shouldn't get involved in it, in my superbly small company, it is hard not to. And I'm not proud to say that usually I don't really stop to think about 'What would Jesus do?' in each situation, but I just react based on how I feel about the situation. And usually I end up being resentful of the people whom I think has done me wrong.

My pastor preached that we need to learn to 'see value' in people. To not just see the wrong things they have done, but to see them for the good they could potentially become in Jesus Christ. And though I've tried and prayed many times that I would learn to love and show that kind of grace to others.... I have always fallen short. I guess it is only human to think badly of people like my annoying colleague.... Right now it would be much easier to strangle her than show her love. At the moment, I am just tolerating her until she stops working with us (which is end of this month, which is just a few more days. Woo hoo!). After that, my inclination to make sure she never ever steps foot in our office again. But if I were to do what I think God would want to do, I wouldn't just be 'tolerating' her, but I'd really give her the benefit of the doubt and try to help her through her problems. Whether her problems are real or not shouldn't be my concern, but rather, if she says she's having problems, I should be there for her. But right now, I really just want nothing to do with her, and now whenever another supposed 'problem' of hers comes up, I really couldn't care less. I just continue with my work.

Well, no one ever said doing the Godly thing would be easy. I've failed like a gazillion times and I've sort of reached a point where I don't even bother to try and change myself coz' I don't wanna feel bad about it. But somehow or another, something keeps making me want to try to change again. Even though I know I will fail again, I still need to try. Maybe one day I will finally learn to see value in everyone, even the people who I think are completely gone case.