Blog makeover no. something or another

Yeah, decided to makeover the blog again (think this is at least the 4th revamp it's gone through?). The old template was weird, with all the words being on one half of the page and right half being pretty much almost empty. I realized it was dumb a long time ago, but only got round to fixing it today and replaced it with a photo of a little fishy friend I took on one of my diving trips. Hope you likey. If not, you're just gonna have to deal with it. :)

Irony

Was just in a pensive mood today and allowed this slightly depressing thought to escape on my Facebook wall.



Irony is perhaps also the fact that such thoughts can come from a person with positive self esteem.

On the other hand, I could be mistaking irony for plain stupidity.

Ugh. So anyway, here's a song to fit my mood.

Crush and butterflies

CRUSH.

There are several main meanings to this word:
1. A usually temporary infatuation. b. One who is the object of such an infatuation.

2. To overwhelm or oppress severely: spirits that had been crushed by rejection and failure.

3. To press between opposing bodies so as to break or injure or to break, pound, or grind (stone or ore, for example) into small fragments or powder.

I have a suspicion that the different meanings of these words are actually linked to the same word for a reason. I have, after all, had my fair shares of crushes on guys, only to be crushed upon realizing that the feeling is not reciprocated, and in some people, this makes them feel like crushing something, which may lead to various forms of violence. Thankfully, I'm not one of the violent ones, but just saying, you know, it can happen. :-P At almost 30 years old, at the age where most of my friends are in serious relationships, married or having kids, having schoolgirl infatuations is funny, if not annoying. Although, there is still admittedly still some fun in getting those little butterflies in my stomach when I get 'hints' of interest from a guy I fancy.

Far as I remember, all the guys I've ever fancied have been guys I were interested in almost from the time I meet them. It's only later on when that crush progresses into nothing more that they become just than friends to me, and there are a number of guys I still am in contact with now whom I can't imagine falling for again, although years ago I was totally bonkers about them.

Now I'm in an interesting situation where there's a guy I've known for a quite some time now whom I was never interested in... But now I realized I actually really like this guy. It's interesting coz' it's weird to me to have someone as a friend for a long time, and then start to see him in that kind of 'different' light. And it's cool coz' rather than admiring a guy from tbe beginning and eventually 'lose steam' once I know him longer (which usually means I learned stuff about that guy which made him less interesting to me), here's a guy I didn't really think much of from the beginning, but only after knowing him better do I realize he is a guy I can actually look up to. And for me, I need to really respect a guy for me to interested in him. Overly nice guys who are pushovers and don't know how to take the lead just don't cut it for me. I have a high chance into turning into the overbearing and naggy gf with such guys, which is not something I want at all.

I don't keep my hopes up in the event that this 'crush' end up with me having a stomachful of dead butterflies as has happened way too many times before. But in the meantime, I'll just enjoy the butterflies.

Deflated

Today I told my mother that I'm afraid of getting married because I'm afraid if becoming like my parents who are constantly at loggerheads at each other. My mum actually said she's perfectly happy if I never get married for the same reason. I think that ranks pretty high one of the most emotionally deflating things a mother could ever say. The second being that whenever they argue, I have no right to my opinion on the matter, I'm just supposed to sit back and shut up while they fight about silly things. If I do say anything may be supportive of one parent or the other, apparently it's being disrespectful.

I should seriously consider moving out of this house one day.

Work overloaded

Times are gettin a bit crazy for me at work. This week I was in Indonesia, then immediately going to Vietnam the following week, and for most of the week of April I am booked to go somewhere overseas. Not to mention I am pretty drowning in reports to finish and the only way anything can be done is if I work into the night. I suppose I can really complain, plenty of people I know have worked under similar situations before and I guess now my time has come to be one of the regular midnight oil burners. Just wondering how long exactly I can work like this before I reach my limit. I continue to be amazed at colleagues of mine who have just as much work or more so and yet have families to take care of too. I'm supposed to be considered 'lucky' because I'm still single. However, the way I'm going now, I would not be surprised if I spend so much time working/travelling for work that before I know it I'm a sad old spinster with money yet regretting not having enjoyed a proper social life. Sorry, just felt like spouting a bit of blahness.

I'm operating on 4 hours of sleep at continuing to work now at 10.30pm Indonesian time (that's 11.30pm Malaysian time), even though tomorrow morning I gotta get up early to take the great 6 hour drive back to Padang airport. From there will fly to Jakarta, and from Jakarta to KL, and by the time I arrive in KL tomorrow, it'll be past 9.30am and I have a 6.30am flight Monday morning to Vietnam. At least my company was good enough to book me a hotel near the airport so I don't have to go all the way home and back out again. And I'm glad I make it a habit to pack extra clothes and stuff, just in case (also helpful that the client in Indonesia has a domestic help to wash my laundry for me).

Okie, back to work.