U-Turn

Today in church, Pastor Mal talked about making u-turns in life. In other words, when you know you're not doing something right in your life (going the wrong direction), with Jesus, there is always a chance to repent and 'u-turn' back to the right path. And he shared the story of a murderer on death row who gave his life to Jesus and became a totally changed person who ministered to many others prison inmates before being executed.

I just wonder... what about the people who are not so driven to change. Those who say they repent and actually have tried to change, but eventually go back to their old 'sinful' ways because they lack the willpower to change? Or those who have been taught these Christian values from a young age were never really so 'sinful' in the first place but then later on go tired of being so 'good' that they became 'sinful' just for the fun of it. They always say God can provide the strength to live according to His ways if you ask for it... but when people 'u-turn' back to the wrong direction even after they have have pledged to make a change and prayed for help to become a more Godly person, does this mean God didn't really give the strength to that person, and instead such strength (or desire to change) has to come from the person itself?

I've changed my way of thinking on the purpose in asking God to change me for the better. But anyway, there have been many times that I have asked God to help change me for the better, but eventually after the spiritual euphoria wears off, I end up going back to being the same person doing things I know I shouldn't be doing. The atheists would throw their hands up in glee, saying that this goes to show that God doesn't really exist after all, coz' He didn't answer my prayer even though it was to change to be better. But I have thought about it, and have the feeling now that if God is really there, and He really wants us to make a 'u-turn', then it should be something that comes out of our own desire, and not because He voodoo-ed us into becoming someone else. In other words, if I really appreciate what God has done for me, I shouldn't need to ask Him to help me change to be more like what he wants, I would do it automatically out of love and appreciation.

The next question is, would God still forgive such a person who continues to live going in the 'wrong direction' because they have just kept trying and trying to change themselves for the better, but always ends up failing to the point where they just can't be bothered anymore? Some people might say, yes, God is always ready to forgive if you really want it, some might say that the lack of ability to change one's sinful ways to God's way is already a sign that the 'repentance' in not sincere. But there is a difference between sinning on purpose and taking God's forgiveness for granted, and sinning because you can't really help yourself and sometimes if you don't do what you've been taught is 'wrong', you end up feeling like crap anyway. I don't wanna give an example of what I'm talking about, coz' it's something you either understand if you're going through it, or you don't, in which case, you don't need to know.

Just some tough questions that swam into my mind today.